Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Watering Your Grass

There's not much I find more useless than the so called "Mommy Wars". Working Moms vs. Stay-at-Home-Moms, Formula Feeders vs. Breastfeeders, Babywearers vs. Stroller Pushers, "Natural Childbirth" vs. Medicated Birth... because when you boil it down it just turns out to be a I'm-better-than-you or who's-life-is-harder pissing contest. I've found (in my few short months as a mom) that being a mommy is hard. For everyone. Period. End of story!

Sure I'm a single working mom 4 days a week, but my girlfriend is a single working mom every day of the week... with an autistic kindergartner and a dazzling handful of a preschooler. My best friend is a Stay-at-Home Army wife and mom who's husband has been overseas for more than 2 years of their 3 1/2 year marriage including the first 5 months of their daughter's life. I think I'm going to pull my hair out when Turtle cries for more than a half an hour or so at bedtime. My good friend's baby has cried multiple hours of every single day of her 5 month long life. Gotta love colic!

So, who gets the My Life Sucks More Than Yours Award? The Military Mom, the Special Needs Mom, The Colic Mom...? No one does actually, because I've realized that we each have our own special challenges and things we have to over come. Everything is relative and in each person's life, in each person's shoes, life is hard and it takes strength and courage to overcome. So, instead of warring with each other for life-sucks bragging rights, lets pull together.

Got a chore list that might be helpful to other moms? Share it! Got a meal planning strategy that works for your family? Share it! Found a magical way to keep the puppy from using the bathroom IN YOUR LIVING ROOM and forcing you to take time out of your precious evening cleaning it up? Share it! (No really! I need that information!) Just make sure you share it in a this-is-what-worked-for-us-and-MIGHT-work-for-you way.

This doesn't mean we don't share about our struggles. Sharing our situations can give us perspective. For instance, when I'm talking about how much I'd love for my husband to go on deployment, my best friend reminds me of all the sadness and loneliness that comes along with it. When my friend envies my ability to pee by herself or have some adult conversation, I remind her of the overwhelming guilt I carry if I even contemplate taking time for myself since I get so few hours per week with my daughter. Amazingly instead of feeling sorry for ourselves we walk away thankful for what we do have and understanding that we are not the only ones dealing with unique challenges.

We are all fighters. We are all strong. We all have our mountains to climb. All of our situations are different and give us different challenges to face. No situation is perfect. And no the grass is not greener on the other side. In fact...

 What are you doing to water your grass? What are you doing to help your friends water their grass?


TheMamaShannon said...

well said bonnie!!! i shared it... hope you don't mind :)

bonniebelle said...

::curtsey:: Why thank you my dear! And of course not! :-D