Hello eveyone! I hope you all had a wonderful New Years celebration. I had a very interesting new years and I thought I'd share. I've been meaning to blog about my experiences working with a domestic violence shelter as well, and since I spent new years at the shelter I'll be able to kill two birds with one stone.
So, I've been volunteering with a domestic violence shelter since the beginning of 2006 doing child care. When Jay left on deployment I found myself very sad on the weekends and started looking for something to keep me busy. Well, come to find out the shelter was looking for Resident Care Managers (aka dorm mothers) :-) to work on the weekends. So about the first of November I started working Saturday and Sunday mornings 7:30am to 4:00pm.
I'll be truthful. It took me a few weeks to adjust to working 7 days a week. But now I'm totally in the groove and experience very few problems with the schedule. Sometimes I get tired but I try my hardest not to complain since it is my choice to work this much and I know that having all that time to think about how much I miss Jay would be way harder! This weekend was especially wonderful. Some of the full time staff wanted some time off and were granted that time off before replacements were found to cover their shifts. So, I picked up two extra shifts over the three day weekend and worked both the morning of New Years Eve as well as the overnight.
I love my job! Saturday afternoon I had been watching one of my kids so his mom could get some rest. He is just facinated with my phone and could open and close it for hours. (note: if I have your cell number and you get a strange call on the weekend and no ones there but you hear me saying, "no honey lets not call anyone!" now you'll know what's going on.) ;-) He loves the way it lights up when he opens it. So at one point I reached up to grab my phone and it was all sticky and covered in that syrup that canned peaches come in. I knew exactly what had happened since it was also in my hair on all over me. The funniest part is... it couldn't have made me more happy. I love these kids! I love these women! I feel so privlidged to be a part of their lives. And going home at night knowing I've played a small role in their recovery is nothing short of addictive! I've been friends with people throughout my lifetime that were survivors of domestive violence. I think of them each and every day that I'm there. I try to be the person I would have wanted them to have in their life. Someone who would do everything they can to help this woman and her family. Someone who will help them see their potention, who will hold up a mirror for them on their blackest days and say, "but look how much you've accomplished! Look at the life you are creating for youself and your children!" Which brings me to New Years.
At first I was thinking that there would be a big "ball dropping watching party" in the TV room, but most of the kids are fairly young and had already knocked out when I got there at 11pm (how I was even awake at that time of night was a miracle due only to a heavy dose of caffee). The mom's were still awake but I hadn't realized that watching the ball drop in NYC on a three hour tape delay is kind of...well...not as exciting as watching it live. So, no one was really up for that. By 11:45pm I was in the RCM office with the door closed because I didn't think anything was going on. Being the life of the party that I am, I had an old Sex in the City re-run on while I was tallying some stat sheets. I actually didn't even notice when the year rolled over until someone knocked on the door. It was one of my ladies and she was simply there to wish me a happy new year.
I almost cried! I got up from my chair and we hugged. At which point I realized that almost all of the women were standing outside the door. We all hugged and wished each other a happy new year. I told them that I hoped that this would be the best year yet! And they all agreed they were glad to see 2006 go! I had most definitely not expected to feel this way, but at that moment (with my guy being on deployment) there was nowhere else I'd have rather been.
And at that moment I realized how glad I was to see 2006 go. 2007 will absolutely turn out to be the best year yet, but it's only due to the fact that 2006 was the hardest of my life. It was so nice to have what almost felt like closure. The bad times in my life are over. The years of having jobs I hated, not enough money to survive and an unfulfilling, unsupportive relationship are OVER! I know have a career passion in life and the determination to see it come to be... I'm at a place where I can make enough money to live on, as well as learned how to live within my means (more or less) :-)... I have learned enough about myself to have identified who my soulmate is... and I truly believe that together we can make this relationship work.
My new years wish for each of you is to have the wisdom and vision to know what you need to do in order to be truly happy, and the strength and courage to then make it happen.
2007...I'm so glad you're here! Cheers, to the best year yet!
bonnie
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
The Best Christmas Present Ever
Hello eveyone! I hope you all had a wonderful New Years celebration. I had a very interesting new years and I thought I'd share. I've been meaning to blog about my experiences working with a domestic violence shelter as well, and since I spent new years at the shelter I'll be able to kill two birds with one stone.
So, I've been volunteering with a domestic violence shelter since the beginning of 2006 doing child care. When Jay left on deployment I found myself very sad on the weekends and started looking for something to keep me busy. Well, come to find out the shelter was looking for Resident Care Managers (aka dorm mothers) :-) to work on the weekends. So about the first of November I started working Saturday and Sunday mornings 7:30am to 4:00pm.
I'll be truthful. It took me a few weeks to adjust to working 7 days a week. But now I'm totally in the groove and experience very few problems with the schedule. Sometimes I get tired but I try my hardest not to complain since it is my choice to work this much and I know that having all that time to think about how much I miss Jay would be way harder! This weekend was especially wonderful. Some of the full time staff wanted some time off and were granted that time off before replacements were found to cover their shifts. So, I picked up two extra shifts over the three day weekend and worked both the morning of New Years Eve as well as the overnight.
I love my job! Saturday afternoon I had been watching one of my kids so his mom could get some rest. He is just facinated with my phone and could open and close it for hours. (note: if I have your cell number and you get a strange call on the weekend and no ones there but you hear me saying, "no honey lets not call anyone!" now you'll know what's going on.) ;-) He loves the way it lights up when he opens it. So at one point I reached up to grab my phone and it was all sticky and covered in that syrup that canned peaches come in. I knew exactly what had happened since it was also in my hair on all over me. The funniest part is... it couldn't have made me more happy. I love these kids! I love these women! I feel so privlidged to be a part of their lives. And going home at night knowing I've played a small role in their recovery is nothing short of addictive! I've been friends with people throughout my lifetime that were survivors of domestive violence. I think of them each and every day that I'm there. I try to be the person I would have wanted them to have in their life. Someone who would do everything they can to help this woman and her family. Someone who will help them see their potention, who will hold up a mirror for them on their blackest days and say, "but look how much you've accomplished! Look at the life you are creating for youself and your children!" Which brings me to New Years.
At first I was thinking that there would be a big "ball dropping watching party" in the TV room, but most of the kids are fairly young and had already knocked out when I got there at 11pm (how I was even awake at that time of night was a miracle due only to a heavy dose of caffee). The mom's were still awake but I hadn't realized that watching the ball drop in NYC on a three hour tape delay is kind of...well...not as exciting as watching it live. So, no one was really up for that. By 11:45pm I was in the RCM office with the door closed because I didn't think anything was going on. Being the life of the party that I am, I had an old Sex in the City re-run on while I was tallying some stat sheets. I actually didn't even notice when the year rolled over until someone knocked on the door. It was one of my ladies and she was simply there to wish me a happy new year.
I almost cried! I got up from my chair and we hugged. At which point I realized that almost all of the women were standing outside the door. We all hugged and wished each other a happy new year. I told them that I hoped that this would be the best year yet! And they all agreed they were glad to see 2006 go! I had most definitely not expected to feel this way, but at that moment (with my guy being on deployment) there was nowhere else I'd have rather been.
And at that moment I realized how glad I was to see 2006 go. 2007 will absolutely turn out to be the best year yet, but it's only due to the fact that 2006 was the hardest of my life. It was so nice to have what almost felt like closure. The bad times in my life are over. The years of having jobs I hated, not enough money to survive and an unfulfilling, unsupportive relationship are OVER! I know have a career passion in life and the determination to see it come to be... I'm at a place where I can make enough money to live on, as well as learned how to live within my means (more or less) :-)... I have learned enough about myself to have identified who my soulmate is... and I truly believe that together we can make this relationship work.
My new years wish for each of you is to have the wisdom and vision to know what you need to do in order to be truly happy, and the strength and courage to then make it happen.
2007...I'm so glad you're here! Cheers, to the best year yet!
bonnie
So, I've been volunteering with a domestic violence shelter since the beginning of 2006 doing child care. When Jay left on deployment I found myself very sad on the weekends and started looking for something to keep me busy. Well, come to find out the shelter was looking for Resident Care Managers (aka dorm mothers) :-) to work on the weekends. So about the first of November I started working Saturday and Sunday mornings 7:30am to 4:00pm.
I'll be truthful. It took me a few weeks to adjust to working 7 days a week. But now I'm totally in the groove and experience very few problems with the schedule. Sometimes I get tired but I try my hardest not to complain since it is my choice to work this much and I know that having all that time to think about how much I miss Jay would be way harder! This weekend was especially wonderful. Some of the full time staff wanted some time off and were granted that time off before replacements were found to cover their shifts. So, I picked up two extra shifts over the three day weekend and worked both the morning of New Years Eve as well as the overnight.
I love my job! Saturday afternoon I had been watching one of my kids so his mom could get some rest. He is just facinated with my phone and could open and close it for hours. (note: if I have your cell number and you get a strange call on the weekend and no ones there but you hear me saying, "no honey lets not call anyone!" now you'll know what's going on.) ;-) He loves the way it lights up when he opens it. So at one point I reached up to grab my phone and it was all sticky and covered in that syrup that canned peaches come in. I knew exactly what had happened since it was also in my hair on all over me. The funniest part is... it couldn't have made me more happy. I love these kids! I love these women! I feel so privlidged to be a part of their lives. And going home at night knowing I've played a small role in their recovery is nothing short of addictive! I've been friends with people throughout my lifetime that were survivors of domestive violence. I think of them each and every day that I'm there. I try to be the person I would have wanted them to have in their life. Someone who would do everything they can to help this woman and her family. Someone who will help them see their potention, who will hold up a mirror for them on their blackest days and say, "but look how much you've accomplished! Look at the life you are creating for youself and your children!" Which brings me to New Years.
At first I was thinking that there would be a big "ball dropping watching party" in the TV room, but most of the kids are fairly young and had already knocked out when I got there at 11pm (how I was even awake at that time of night was a miracle due only to a heavy dose of caffee). The mom's were still awake but I hadn't realized that watching the ball drop in NYC on a three hour tape delay is kind of...well...not as exciting as watching it live. So, no one was really up for that. By 11:45pm I was in the RCM office with the door closed because I didn't think anything was going on. Being the life of the party that I am, I had an old Sex in the City re-run on while I was tallying some stat sheets. I actually didn't even notice when the year rolled over until someone knocked on the door. It was one of my ladies and she was simply there to wish me a happy new year.
I almost cried! I got up from my chair and we hugged. At which point I realized that almost all of the women were standing outside the door. We all hugged and wished each other a happy new year. I told them that I hoped that this would be the best year yet! And they all agreed they were glad to see 2006 go! I had most definitely not expected to feel this way, but at that moment (with my guy being on deployment) there was nowhere else I'd have rather been.
And at that moment I realized how glad I was to see 2006 go. 2007 will absolutely turn out to be the best year yet, but it's only due to the fact that 2006 was the hardest of my life. It was so nice to have what almost felt like closure. The bad times in my life are over. The years of having jobs I hated, not enough money to survive and an unfulfilling, unsupportive relationship are OVER! I know have a career passion in life and the determination to see it come to be... I'm at a place where I can make enough money to live on, as well as learned how to live within my means (more or less) :-)... I have learned enough about myself to have identified who my soulmate is... and I truly believe that together we can make this relationship work.
My new years wish for each of you is to have the wisdom and vision to know what you need to do in order to be truly happy, and the strength and courage to then make it happen.
2007...I'm so glad you're here! Cheers, to the best year yet!
bonnie
Thursday, November 9, 2006
Myspace Part I: Old Friends
Myspace has also given me the opportunity to connect with people I would have most likely never met. Going through this deployment has been one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced. I don't think I would be surviving if it weren't for the many military women that I've come in contact with. I SO appreciate the support and encouragement of my civilian friends, you guys have been wonderful! But no one understands the life of a military girl like another military girl.
The thing that I have loved most about the military women groups I've been a part of (other than the support and encouragement), has been the opportunity to see the diversity of the women who have chosen this life. We all share a deep love for our men, and a strong desire to support the commitment they have made. Other than that, we are so different. I thought I would be the only liberal in the group. I've found that that is not true. Some of us are conservative, some liberal. Some are republican, some are democrats. Some are mothers, some are not. Some work outside the home, some don't. Some have been through many years and many deployments, some are new to the game. Each one has a unique perspective and something to offer the group whether it be the enthusiasm of the new comers or the wisdom of the more seasoned women. But above all, I've learned that military women are family. Regardless of where you are stationed or how long you've been in the game, these women are ready to open their arms, their ears and their homes at a moments notice.
On our own we are incredibly strong. But together we are invincible. GO NAVY!!!!
The thing that I have loved most about the military women groups I've been a part of (other than the support and encouragement), has been the opportunity to see the diversity of the women who have chosen this life. We all share a deep love for our men, and a strong desire to support the commitment they have made. Other than that, we are so different. I thought I would be the only liberal in the group. I've found that that is not true. Some of us are conservative, some liberal. Some are republican, some are democrats. Some are mothers, some are not. Some work outside the home, some don't. Some have been through many years and many deployments, some are new to the game. Each one has a unique perspective and something to offer the group whether it be the enthusiasm of the new comers or the wisdom of the more seasoned women. But above all, I've learned that military women are family. Regardless of where you are stationed or how long you've been in the game, these women are ready to open their arms, their ears and their homes at a moments notice.
On our own we are incredibly strong. But together we are invincible. GO NAVY!!!!
Myspace Part II: New Friends
Myspace has also given me the opportunity to connect with people I would have most likely never met. Going through this deployment has been one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced. I don't think I would be surviving if it weren't for the many military women that I've come in contact with. I SO appreciate the support and encouragement of my civilian friends, you guys have been wonderful! But no one understands the life of a military girl like another military girl.
The thing that I have loved most about the military women groups I've been a part of (other than the support and encouragement), has been the opportunity to see the diversity of the women who have chosen this life. We all share a deep love for our men, and a strong desire to support the commitment they have made. Other than that, we are so different. I thought I would be the only liberal in the group. I've found that that is not true. Some of us are conservative, some liberal. Some are republican, some are democrats. Some are mothers, some are not. Some work outside the home, some don't. Some have been through many years and many deployments, some are new to the game. Each one has a unique perspective and something to offer the group whether it be the enthusiasm of the new comers or the wisdom of the more seasoned women. But above all, I've learned that military women are family. Regardless of where you are stationed or how long you've been in the game, these women are ready to open their arms, their ears and their homes at a moments notice.
On our own we are incredibly strong. But together we are invincible. GO NAVY!!!!
The thing that I have loved most about the military women groups I've been a part of (other than the support and encouragement), has been the opportunity to see the diversity of the women who have chosen this life. We all share a deep love for our men, and a strong desire to support the commitment they have made. Other than that, we are so different. I thought I would be the only liberal in the group. I've found that that is not true. Some of us are conservative, some liberal. Some are republican, some are democrats. Some are mothers, some are not. Some work outside the home, some don't. Some have been through many years and many deployments, some are new to the game. Each one has a unique perspective and something to offer the group whether it be the enthusiasm of the new comers or the wisdom of the more seasoned women. But above all, I've learned that military women are family. Regardless of where you are stationed or how long you've been in the game, these women are ready to open their arms, their ears and their homes at a moments notice.
On our own we are incredibly strong. But together we are invincible. GO NAVY!!!!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Two Days Without Email
This is going to be two downer blogs in a row, so I'm sorry everyone. It's not been all hard. I guess I should have posted a blog last week letting everyone know that I was having a much better day. Just what I expected happened. Since I gave myself permission to be sad and lonely, I was able to move on and the next day was much better. I was back to just appreciating that he's in my life at all. But now...
It's been 2 1/2 days without any email. I got an email Friday afternoon and haven't heard anything since. My day revolves around his emails, so I've been feeling really lost without them. It's like they keep me grounded and focused. I feel like I breath easier once I've gotten it. Just to know that he's ok, and that he's thinking of me and loves me is all I need. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not upset with him in the least. I know him. I know he loves me more than anything else in the world. If there were any way that he could email me he would. So, either they are super, super busy or the internet is down. It's not too unusual for the internet to be down. I've actually been surprised how much it's been up the whole time they've been out. And I know that he's probably on that ship worrying about me worrying about him since he can't get word to me. He knows I worry. :-) But it's still hard. Like I said, I've just gotten so use to hearing from him.
I have to keep in mind how lucky we are to have email. Navy wives have been doing this for years with nothing but snail mail. That reminds me, I have to get a note in the mail to him today. I've been trying to put hand written notes in the mail every 1-3 days. So that when times like this happen and the internet goes down, hopefully, he'll get one of my notes. They are usually just useless jibber jabber but that's the stuff that I miss hearing from him so much. I miss hearing about his day and his guys and the funny or annoying things that happened... really sharing each other's lives.
I just miss him so bad...
My heart just aches sometimes...
*sigh*
Oh my god!!! It just came in. The indicator from my yahoo mail just popped up to let me know an email from him has come in. I feel like I just took a deep breath for the first time all weekend. Thanks for reading, y'all, and for letting me vent. It helps me so much to be able to express all this stuff.
Well, I'm going to go read his email for like the 4th time in about the last 5 minutes! Yeah!!!!
:-)
bonnie
It's been 2 1/2 days without any email. I got an email Friday afternoon and haven't heard anything since. My day revolves around his emails, so I've been feeling really lost without them. It's like they keep me grounded and focused. I feel like I breath easier once I've gotten it. Just to know that he's ok, and that he's thinking of me and loves me is all I need. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not upset with him in the least. I know him. I know he loves me more than anything else in the world. If there were any way that he could email me he would. So, either they are super, super busy or the internet is down. It's not too unusual for the internet to be down. I've actually been surprised how much it's been up the whole time they've been out. And I know that he's probably on that ship worrying about me worrying about him since he can't get word to me. He knows I worry. :-) But it's still hard. Like I said, I've just gotten so use to hearing from him.
I have to keep in mind how lucky we are to have email. Navy wives have been doing this for years with nothing but snail mail. That reminds me, I have to get a note in the mail to him today. I've been trying to put hand written notes in the mail every 1-3 days. So that when times like this happen and the internet goes down, hopefully, he'll get one of my notes. They are usually just useless jibber jabber but that's the stuff that I miss hearing from him so much. I miss hearing about his day and his guys and the funny or annoying things that happened... really sharing each other's lives.
I just miss him so bad...
My heart just aches sometimes...
*sigh*
Oh my god!!! It just came in. The indicator from my yahoo mail just popped up to let me know an email from him has come in. I feel like I just took a deep breath for the first time all weekend. Thanks for reading, y'all, and for letting me vent. It helps me so much to be able to express all this stuff.
Well, I'm going to go read his email for like the 4th time in about the last 5 minutes! Yeah!!!!
:-)
bonnie
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Down Day...
23 days down.... a whole bunch to go.
Today I'm having a down day. It started out pretty good. But during lunch I spent almost the whole hour writing Jay a note. I do this every couple of days, and they are usually just junk. Little things that made me think of him. Some wierd story from work or one of the myspace groups I'm in. But today, I found myself writing for almost an hour about how much I loved him, all the things I missed about being with him, and all the things I was looking forward to when he got back.
Well... I just haven't quite been the same since. I do better when I don't think about it. Because when I'm honest I have to admit that I miss him so bad I physically ache sometimes. (Note the song on my page. I love it so much because that's exactly how I feel.) It's like a part of me is missing. My arms feel so empty when I'm not there to hold him. I crave the place of complete relaxation that can only be found in his arms. The place where nothing can hurt me, and I don't have to worry about anything.
Anyway... So, I've been doing my best this afternoon to remember that military deployments are not supposed to be easy. I knew these days would come, and to just hold on because tomorrow will be better. I'm trying to validate my feelings of saddness, and really let them wash over, because I know the harder I fight them the stronger they will become. If I will just allow myself to feel the emotions, then maybe I can move on.
I know this won't last forever. Almost a whole month has passed. But right now I have to be very honest and say, "This really sucks!"
Sorry for the negativity. Thanks for listening to me.
Bonnie
Today I'm having a down day. It started out pretty good. But during lunch I spent almost the whole hour writing Jay a note. I do this every couple of days, and they are usually just junk. Little things that made me think of him. Some wierd story from work or one of the myspace groups I'm in. But today, I found myself writing for almost an hour about how much I loved him, all the things I missed about being with him, and all the things I was looking forward to when he got back.
Well... I just haven't quite been the same since. I do better when I don't think about it. Because when I'm honest I have to admit that I miss him so bad I physically ache sometimes. (Note the song on my page. I love it so much because that's exactly how I feel.) It's like a part of me is missing. My arms feel so empty when I'm not there to hold him. I crave the place of complete relaxation that can only be found in his arms. The place where nothing can hurt me, and I don't have to worry about anything.
Anyway... So, I've been doing my best this afternoon to remember that military deployments are not supposed to be easy. I knew these days would come, and to just hold on because tomorrow will be better. I'm trying to validate my feelings of saddness, and really let them wash over, because I know the harder I fight them the stronger they will become. If I will just allow myself to feel the emotions, then maybe I can move on.
I know this won't last forever. Almost a whole month has passed. But right now I have to be very honest and say, "This really sucks!"
Sorry for the negativity. Thanks for listening to me.
Bonnie
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Mine and Jay's Fairytale Love Story
I was writing this to post on a group site, and I realized that it is the first time I've really written it down like this. Of course this is the "nutshell" version, but it hit me how much of a fairy tale it sounds like. For the first time in my life, I have to admit that I LOVE MY LIFE!
Jay and I met almost 10 years ago. He was going to a really big church in our hometown. They did a christmas play and brought in ballet dancers from one of the major schools in town. Enter me. We feel in love the moment we met, but he had a girlfriend and thought he didn't have a chance in hell with me (wrong!). A year later I participated in the same christmas pagent and he decided to dump his girlfriend. We were together for a few months and then I moved a couple of states away to dance professionally where my feelings for him kind of fizzled (maybe it was the distance, maybe it was my age). For many years he was that proverbial guy who I would complain to about all the losers I was dating. Well, he never gave up on me. Not even when I got married a few years later. We lost touch until about a year ago, which was about the same time I was hit with the mack truck of a realization that my unhappy marriage was never going to get any better, and I was just making my life and my then-husband's life misserable by trying to stick it out. On top of that I was getting this sinking feeling in my stomach that I had made a terrible mistake with Jay. I didn't tell him anything about my feelings until I had made the decision to leave because I didn't want my leaving to be contengent on him wanting to be with me. Well, come to find out he was still head over heels in love with me too. I was "the one that got away", and in August (after 5 1/5 years of being apart) I flew home while he was on leave and we spent the most amazing weekend together. Now we've been together for about 6 months and will be getting married next October. I don't know how I lived without him all those years, and I can't imagine how I could possibly live without him now. He's the most romantic, honorable, caring man I've ever met. And no offense to all you girls :-) but I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
Jay and I met almost 10 years ago. He was going to a really big church in our hometown. They did a christmas play and brought in ballet dancers from one of the major schools in town. Enter me. We feel in love the moment we met, but he had a girlfriend and thought he didn't have a chance in hell with me (wrong!). A year later I participated in the same christmas pagent and he decided to dump his girlfriend. We were together for a few months and then I moved a couple of states away to dance professionally where my feelings for him kind of fizzled (maybe it was the distance, maybe it was my age). For many years he was that proverbial guy who I would complain to about all the losers I was dating. Well, he never gave up on me. Not even when I got married a few years later. We lost touch until about a year ago, which was about the same time I was hit with the mack truck of a realization that my unhappy marriage was never going to get any better, and I was just making my life and my then-husband's life misserable by trying to stick it out. On top of that I was getting this sinking feeling in my stomach that I had made a terrible mistake with Jay. I didn't tell him anything about my feelings until I had made the decision to leave because I didn't want my leaving to be contengent on him wanting to be with me. Well, come to find out he was still head over heels in love with me too. I was "the one that got away", and in August (after 5 1/5 years of being apart) I flew home while he was on leave and we spent the most amazing weekend together. Now we've been together for about 6 months and will be getting married next October. I don't know how I lived without him all those years, and I can't imagine how I could possibly live without him now. He's the most romantic, honorable, caring man I've ever met. And no offense to all you girls :-) but I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
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