Wednesday, September 8, 2010

An Avocado Even Jay Can Love (Week 16)

That's right! Love 'em (me) or hate 'em (Jay) we've graduated to the Avocado stage!

I'm having a really hard time imagining that there is something the size of an avocado living inside me! But I guess that accounts for the bump that is becoming more and more noticeable. Thankfully, it's looking more like a baby bump and less like I need to hit the gym! So what's going on with baby this week:

"This week your baby's limbs are much more developed, legs and arms are longer and are becoming more controlled in movement. Your baby's skeletal system is developing more as calcium is deposited onto the bones. Over the next couple of weeks your baby's weight will double."

Another website I follow said that this week the baby's ear drums are developing and he can now hear our voices. Yay! How exciting is that!! As for me... I've been a little hit or miss this week. Still can't quite get the magic amount of food in my system to stave off the nausea but avoid the indigestion. I'm still popping Zofran every few days when the nausea gets really bad and can't be very far from my TUMS but it's all manageable. I'm beginning to get some of my energy back! Yay!!!! Spending all my non-working time on the couch was about to drive me insane!!

This weekend, I was actually able to clean almost the entire downstairs. I got the kitchen cleaned and some organizing done I've been wanting to do. I picked up the dining area and arranged the table. I picked up the clutter in the living room and then vacuumed. Moved the puppy's crate into the office/craft room (and out of my living room! woohoo!), vacuumed and Jay cleaned the carpet in there with my mom's steam cleaner. It felt so nice to have just a little energy again and to have my house looking descent!

Sunday, some friends came over for a cook out to celebrate the holiday and my birthday! I still can't believe that I am 31. 30 was one of the toughest years of my life! And I was not sorry to see it go! I can only imagine how much better 31 will be. I guess sometimes it really is darkest before the dawn. Don't get me wrong, we have some serious challenges to face. I'm desperate to stay home with the baby after s/he comes and we're still not seeing how that could work financially, but I keep telling myself that we have 5 more months to work it out.

Besides nausea and indigestion, fear and anxiety have become my constant companions. I didn't realize how much they had gone away since finding the right combo of meds in December. I find my self "going backwards"... falling into old thought patterns, fighting the same demons I thought I'd conquered. It's becoming a real challenge to not be "fragile". My feelings are easily hurt. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to protect a very fragile ego. I find it all but impossible to say to myself that others' opinions are their own and do not effect me. Just because someone disagrees with me doesn't make me wrong and them right. Disagreements are not always attacks and even when they are I am in control of whether they strike me or not. Lately, I feel like a small boat on a large sea being constantly tossed around. I feel like my anchor, my sense of self, my core self esteem has been destroyed and I am at the mercy of the opinions of others. Everything feels like an attack and everything blows me off course.

BUT... as long as I can learn to manage, this course of action is so much better for my Butter Bean. S/he won't have to worry about withdrawals after birth and I will be able to breastfeed which is extremely important to me!

But I don't just want to manage! I want to THRIVE!

This is certainly not the first challenge I've faced and it by far won't be the last! I've risen to every challenge I've ever been faced with from being diagnosed with bi-polar (which I had to fight for years to even get help with!) to the love of my life being deployed overseas for 8 months. I've yet to break, and I'm not about to start now!

So, here's to Week 16! To being 31! To the best year yet! To rising to the challenges we're faced with! To my little avocado! And to learning to THRIVE! Happy Wednesday everyone! I'll post belly pics tonight or tomorrow.

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