Girls Work Party

When I left you all, we had gone home from the bachellorette party... drunk, tired, blistered from our beautiful but torturous high heal shoes, and pretty much ready to go to bed. I know that's how I felt at least. I'm really not sure what happened to everyone else, but apparently they all got back to the hotel or got their blow up matteress out if they were staying with me.

The next morning we slept in. Even though I had the entire weekend scheduled out,

I tried to be as honest and realistic with it as possible. I knew if we shut the bars down on Thursday night, there was no way anyone was going to be making a coffee run at 7am. So, I planned for everyone to meet over at my house around 11. I had some muffin mix and such in the cabinet and figured I'd make it a sort of bridesmaids/girlfriends brunch, but my mom ended up calling on her way from the hotel and brought a dozen Bruggers bagels and cream cheese! She's the best mother-of-the-bride/maid-of-honor ever!

Jessica even took a picture to prove to Jay that they had made me eat. I have a bad tendency to not eat when I get excited/stressed/focused and Jay had charged them all with forcing me to eat if necessary!



After we ate, I got most of the girl's working on the favors. You know I'd have done them ahead of time, but my wonderful friend Darby was making wonderful cookies as the favors and of course you can't do that months in advance. So, in order to make it as easy a possible, I had long ago designed what I wanted them to look like, printed out all the stickers and stuck them to the celophane bags, print and cut out all the photobucket instruction cards, and cut all the ribbon to the desired length and fired the edges so they wouldn't unravel. And when I got the cookies from Darby, she was awesome enough to go ahead and put two in each bag.

So all the girls had to do was fold the bag down, punch two holes (with my awesome but hard as heck) hole puncher, string the ribbon through the photobucket card and then bag, and tie a pretty bow. Here's me explaning how to put them together.

Tip: Do absolutely as much as you can ahead of time, even if you have to wait until the weekend/week of to do something, evaluate and see if there is ANY part of the project that you can do ahead of time. Believe me, every minute saved is a little stress off your shoulders. My wedding motto: It is never too early to do ANYTHING!

All the while, Jess and I were taking the multitude of flowers that had been delivered the day before from the wholesale flower company and arranging them into bouquets.



Tips: 1) Delegate as much as you can, and as much as your friends are willing to take on... BUT... only delegate those things that you feel you can adequetly explain how you want it done. Usually helpers find, "Oh I don't really know. Just do it however" frustrating! So, if you don't know how you want it done, plan to do it yourself! This is why I did the wedding party flowers with only Jess as a helper. 2) If you are arranging your own flowers, always start with the bouquets first! You might think that table arrangements are easier and therefore you should just get them out of the way, but you would be WRONG! You want to use your best blooms for the bouquets so, start with them so you have your pick of the best flowes. You don't want to have to be going back through you table arrangements exchanging prestine blooms for not so prestine blooms later!

We finished my bouquet first.

And then we made the two bridesmaid bouquets and the boutineers.

Everything that weekend, seemed to happen with amazing timing. Just about the time that Jess and I were finishing up with all the wedding party flowers, the girls finished up the favors and were ready for another project. Well, actually, they were probably ready for a drink after dealing with me the whole day, but you know...

So, I set us all up making the different flower arrangments to go on the tables, down the isle, and on the windows.

Tip: Expect that no matter how well you have planned, there will always been a snaffu. One of ours happened when I realized that I somehow didn't have all the larger mason jars I thought I did. (note: missing jar was later found in fridge with bouquets in them.) :-) I had a jar of spaghetti sauce in the pantry that was just like the jars we were using (actually that is were the jars came from in the first place). After unsuccessfully trying to soak off the label in a quick hot bath in the bathroom sink, I decided to reconfigure the arrangments. We decided to use the larger jars on the two buffet tables and smaller jars on the drink table. It ended up working out perfectly since the drink table ended up having more stuff on it than I anticipated. My original idea wouldn't have worked as well as I had planned. So, be flexible!

After all the arrangements were made, we cleaned up, and took some well earned brakes!

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, the wedding weekend was in full swing. My Cali girls had flown in, Jessica was in town, Luke was in town, and Shifra would be in soon.

We had introduced the Cali girls to the wonderfulness that is Harpers' chicken fingers. We had picked up all the rented stuff, which involved taking two cars, because my fried bridal brain thought I could get 75 glass irish coffee mugs, 2 silver coffee urns, and about a gagillion meters of table clothes in the back of my honda civic along with 5, yes count them FIVE, girls! Thankfully, Jess was thinking straight and suggested we take her car too.

Around this time we were finishing up our pedicures and getting ready to head to introduce the girls to another staple of the south... Cracker Barrell.

I've realized lately that I failed to finish my wedding weekend recap blogs, and have decided that the first anniversary is a great time to finish those up. That way, I can enjoy the events again along with those who were involved and those who were not able to make it. Plus, I want this stuff documented for my children and grandchildren, and for myself.

But before I get into hardcore wedding re-caps, I want to revisit the true beginning of our wonderful wedding celebration and that was our amazing engagement shot session with the utterly fantastic Jessica Brogden Showalter! We had a truly wonderful time exploring all the nooks and cranies of the city, as well as revisiting the place where our love affair first began. I figured I'd post my favorites here, and offer a few tips that we found to be helpful.

Tip Number One: Wear something comfortable! Don't look at all the things other people are wearing in their engagement photos and feel like you have to wear something in particular. Along with running around from one location to the next, you don't want to also be fighting with a strap that won't stay put, or a posessed button doesn't want to stay closed. You don't have to wear the nicest thing you own or the newest thing you own. You just have to wear something that is going to make you feel good about how you look! For some people that's a dress and heals, for others it's jeans and flip flops. On the flip side though, do feel free to look around the internet at other people's engagements shots. You might realize that what you thought you were going to wear doesn't actually turn out that nicely. For instance, matchy-matchy doesn't usually look as good as you might think. Coordinating is good, but two sets of jeans and black turtle necks makes you look more like twins than beloveds.

Then we moved around the corner to this beautiful church.

Tip Number Two: If you are working with a photographer who is not familiar with your area, make sure you scout sites before hand. You'd be surprised how many awesome nooks and crannies are right around your house or work if you start looking at them that way. Have a good idea of where you want to go, how long it is between each location, and where the sun is going to be at what part of the day. We decided to go downtown around noon. That wouldn't have been an ideal time to take pictures out in an open area because the sun would have been too harsh. But with the tall buildings blocking a lot of sun, we knew we needed to take advantage of the high sun in order to get lots of light. Otherwise we'd be in shadows almost everywhere we went. On the flip side though, don't be so focused on the sites you've already picked out that you miss a great new one that pops up on the day of your shoot. Not to mention your photographer may be seeing things you missed before. Be flexible and ready to try anything. Now that most photographers and even your friends, are shooting with digital cameras there is an unlimited amount of pictures that can be taken, so be ready to experiment.

Then we moved across the street from my office and worked with these awesome stairs that lead up to another church. (Yes. Charlotte is absolutely in the Bible belt. We have churches EVERYWHERE!), and the street.

Then we decided we needed a well deserved break and some awesome soul food at Merts.

Once we were full to bursting, and before hopping the light rail back to our car, we stopped to take advantage of these awesome bricks on the side of Dixie's Bar and Tavern.





Then we jumped the new light rail back to our car to head to the next site.




Then we headed to Calvary Church where our whole love affair started 12 years earlier!




We had a wonderful day! I highly recommend an engagement session. First of all it gives you awesome pictures to show off at the wedding, on save the dates, and on your wedding website, but it also helps you get use to being in front of the camera which you're going to be a lot of the day on your wedding. It helps you learn how to work with each other in front of the camera and how to work with your photographer as well.

If you would like to contact Jess about a session, you can reach her on her blog, Wife of the Party.

Friends don't let friends go on Dancing With the Stars

Anyone who knows me very well, knows that I'm a die hard Apple Computer fan! My dad is a freelance graphic designer and we've had macs since the very beginning. Like a lot of apple fans, I'm not just a sorta fan, I'm a true blue, apple rocks!, want to be burried with my macbook kind of fan. And yes, I do contribute to the funk of elitism that one can feel when even walking by the apple store at the mall.

Anyway, one of the co-founders of Apple (but is no longer with the company. It's a long story!), Steve Wazniak is on this season's Dancing with the Stars. OMG! Just the thought of it made me laugh. Then I watched the clip from last nights show and... it was even worse than I imagined!

I guess money can buy you a lot of things, but it apparently can't buy you close friend who will say, "look dude. Love ya and all. And you're totally smart and cool in a dorky kind of way, but really, Dancing with the Stars! REALLY?!?!?!"



p.s. Ok, I will give him this, he can certainly laugh at himself! He's adorable, but still my first pick to get voted off.

Riverdance Night

Jay and I saw Riverdance for the second time on Saturday. I was planning to write this long, introspective blog about how increadibly much life has changed since we saw it in 2000 and Saturday night, but that just got too long and intricate and complicated, so I've just decided to post the pictures, tell you about the night, and leave the introspection to you. :-)

So, the first time I saw Riverdance was the summer of 2000. Jay had gotten tickets from a friend and I enthusiasticly accepted his request. As a dancer, I could hardly wait. I got all dressed up and he came out and picked me up and the entire night was magical. I literally felt like a little girl on the edge of my seat holding my breath all night. I think Jay watched me more than the show. I have a tendency to get very animated when I get excited like that. :-) So, here we are in 2000 (Jay's going to kill me for putting this picture up. He hates it!)




Fast forward 9 years... through a loveless marriage and divorce, through a 6 year contract with the US Navy, through 12+ moves combined, two cross country drives, a year where we spent all of 7 days together, a Navy homecoming which is unlike anything most people will ever experience, a surprise proposal a few weeks later, a fun but stressful DIY (do-in-yourself) wedding 9 months later, and now almost a year of wedded bliss. I will admit, it's odd to be in the same apartment for more than a year. The normalcy has truthfully taken me some time to adjust to. But that's ok. If anyone knows me at all, they know that I never stay still for too long. Even if I were able to find a couple more hours in the day, I'd probably find some other charitable or political activity to fill it with.

But for one night, all that was put aside. For one night there were no emergency calls from the hosptial at 2am, there were no overwhelming work deadlines to make, no classes to teach. It was just me and the love of my life.

We got dressed up. (I bought a new dress since I've kind of grown out of all the black coctail dresses I have.) :-( I put on make up, faint and fall over!

Early in the afternoon, I asked if we could be ready in time to take some pictures before leaving. He was gracious enough to grant me my request, since he hates to have his picture taken. So, 9 years, and what feels like a lifetime later...





... here we are, attending the show the way it should have always been... married and in love!

I was so thankful to be with him. He opened my car door for me, and let me hold onto his arm while we walked through the parking lots, which was good because I've gotten very out of practice in walking in my stelettos. He told me a million times how beautiful I looked, and I told him a million times how handsome he looked. I was just so proud to be on his arm all night.

We went to Olive Garden for dinner and timed everything just right. FYI, if going to a restaurant that does not take reservations before going to a play, always get to dinner WAY earlier than you think you're going to need to. We got to dinner 2 1/2 hours before show time and it was perfect. We were able to enjoy dinner and dessert, not stress over the waiter dissapearing right when we were ready to cash out.



Oh yeah! I myspaced it right there in the restaurant! ;-) I may be all psycho b*tch about theater ettiquette but I have no shame when it comes to documenting our excursions for blogging purposes. :-)

Then we took pictures of each other to send to our parents so they could be included in our night, but I promised Jay I wouldn't post his.



And then we were able to not worried about the fact that there was a rodeo (yes, I said RODEO) going on in the arena that shares a parking lot with the auditorium. Man was that an odd crowd pairing. Huge trucks, with tight jean wearing cowboys, mixed with yuppies in suits and coctail dresses. At least it was easy to tell who was going where.

We ended up getting to will call about 20 minutes before the show started which was perfect. See, the theater is not like going to the movies. You can't just sneak in and grab an isle seat after the previews start. But don't get me started on theater ettiquette. That's an entire blog into itself which will most likely be coming soon!

The show was breathtaking! And I got a t-shirt to replace the one that I got 9 years ago and wore until the pitstains because so bad I had to give it up and reserve it as a work out shirt. :-( But now I have a new one. Expect a picture of it soon.

Once again, I sat on the edge of my seat most of the night breathless. It was wonderful! I am so glad that we got to see them since this was the finale tour. Now I just need to get the video so I can enjoy it anytime I want. Would make a great birthday or christmas gift. Hint, hint...hint, hint.

We didn't get out until after 10, which is totally late for this old married couple. I had to take my absolutely beautiful and painful shoes off in the car and just walked in to the apartment barefoot. Jay totally laughed at me.

Unlike the first time I saw Riverdance, this time I ended the night in the arms of my love, where I have always been meant to be. Thank you for a wonderful night, love. May this just be the first of the many wonderful times we have together over the years!

Nonviolence

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him. ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Becoming more politically active has forced me to really think about some of my core values. First of all, the fact that I'm even able to walk a picket line or post blogs and notes about a controversial issue is amazing in and of itself. I grew up the daughter of a very forceful father. In my house it was either my dad's way... or... my dad's way. There wasn't even a "highway" option. This caused me to be very timid, and try my best to determine where someone stood before expressing my opinion. This approach worked very well when not offending someone was my highest goal.

But now, I've realized that there are causes worth fighting for, things in this world that I find morally repugnant, and issues I cannot keep silent over. This realization brought me to a crossroads. What was I more afraid of, offending someone or living the rest of my life knowing I let injustice persist in this world and I did nothing about it? After much agonizing, the second won out.

I now have a new mission for my life. I refuse to go to my grave without changing this world for the better, or at least... die trying! I know that I am only one person, one voice, and one vote, but when joined with other like minded people (even in small groups), change can certainly be made. One of my all time favorite quotes is from Margaret Mead:

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

When Jay and I have a house, I want to put this quote on the wall above our main door with the lead in... As you leave this sanctuary, "Never doubt...” . I want myself as well as our children to always remember that it is their responsibility to make change happen and not assume others will do it for them.

Now at the same time that I've been finding my voice and the courage to raise it against what I feel to be injustice, I've also become more convinced that, although characterized as a "fight", our struggle should be waged with respect and consideration for those on the other side. Our message should focus on attacking deeds and actions not people. Come to find out, I've been preaching and practicing nonviolence all along without really knowing what it was.

I've gotten some push back from this stance from both sides of the Equal Marriage fight recently. Although most people would certainly reject the use of physical violence, they might have no problem hurling a verbal personal attack at their opponent or harboring judgment for them.

Two recent examples illustrate that this falls on both sides of the issues. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a blog about celebrating Freedom to Marry week stating my reasoning for supporting Equal Marriage. I know that I have conservative Christian friends and freely opened the comments for discussion. Well, one of my friends from “the other side” ;-) was wonderful. She posted thoughtful, respectful comments that truly came from her heart, and we were able to have a nice, pleasant, open minded discussion regarding the issue. Although neither one of us drastically changed the mind of the other, I think we both came to a deeper understanding of the reasons why the other feels the way she does. Another friend however, handled the situation in a very different way. I came away from the encounter feeling extremely attacked, judged, condemned, and offended. It was like I must be stupid if I didn’t see things her way. She probably felt that she was calling a spade a spade, and doing what she felt she needed to do, but it only pushed me farther away from her way of thinking and left me fighting to see her as anything but my adversary.

I posted another post a few days later that was really to rally the faithful to action. A friend “on my side” posted something that I knew would be offensive to my friends “on the other side”. Indeed I was right. Soon there after a friend I know to be a conservative Christian posted a comment indicating that he was very offended. In a private conversation with my first friend, I explained that his comment although rightfully his opinion (and even one that I agreed with), was hateful in spirit and did nothing to forward the cause or illicit meaning dialogue. It took a couple of emails, but I eventually made a strong enough argument that my friend posted an apology for the attack on the people involved in this issue instead of attacking the issue itself. My second friend accepted the apology and there followed a meaningful dialogue.

These encounters really made me think hard about the way I treat people in a debate, and the importance of nonviolence in thought as well as in deed. I must fight the instinct to see those who do not agree with me as my enemy, my adversary, ignorant of the “truth”. Even in this issue of Equal Marriage which I am so passionate about and feel that it is truly the denial of civil rights, I must see those on the other side of the fence as my fellow human beings, whose rights and opinions have just as much right to be heard as mine. I must approach them in a spirit of understanding instead of confrontation. It reminds me of the yoga greeting of Namaste which means, “The light in me acknowledges and honors the light in you.” Regardless of if you are my friend or not, whether we see eye to eye on an issue or not, the same light that is in me, is in you and must still be honored.

Now this doesn’t mean that I give up fighting for what I deeply feel to be right, it simply changes the way I approach people in thought, word and deed. As human beings, we tend to surround ourselves with those who think like us. And as we do this, it’s easy to see those who do not agree with us as “the enemy”. But as we create friendships with those with whom we disagree, it forces us to see their humanity.

And that is what will lead to true and lasting change!

This I Believe

NPR has this series called This I Believe where people write essays about things that are essential to their belief system. Some contributers are celebrities, others are lesser known. One recently was about a military memeber who believed in the power of teddy bears after seeing the way the kids reacted to them in Afganistan. So, I decided that it was time I write my own.

As controversial as this next statement is going to be... at the core of my being, I do NOT believe that things happen for a reason. I just can't. From babies with cancer to fire distroying people's homes, I cannot bring myself to think that everything happens for a reason.

I know that many find comfort in this belief, and I would never want to take that away from them, but for me it causes more fustration than comfort. In order for things to happen for a reason, there must be some higher being that brings cancer into the lives of innocent children so that something good can happen for them or someone around them. And this is simply more than I can handle.

So, how does one deal with the inexplicable randomness that is the world, if one does not believe in an inherant reason for the things that happen? It's easy, you just let go, stop looking for the hidden meaning or lesson in everything, and start taking full responsability for your life and your actions! I know it's scary to be completely in control of your own life, but the upside is... YOU'RE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE!

I've been though some very difficult times in my life. I have survived scars from my childhood that haunt me to this day. I survived my mom and I having to involuntarily commit my oldest brother to the hospital after a suicide attempt a WEEK before my wedding. I survived single handedly put myself through school... going to school full time and working full time which just about put me under financially. I survived a loveless, onesided, draining marriage for 4 years before deciding I had had enough. Then I survived a divorce and learned to live on my own for the first time in my life, all while 3,000 miles away from my family and with only a handful of friends near by. I survived a year long separation from the love of my life, including an 8 month Navy deployment with limited communication beyond emails.

But the key word there is, s-u-r-v-i-v-e-d! I survived it all! And not because some higher power or external being gave me the strength to do it, but because I learned to put my big girl panties on and deal with each situation as it came my way. Through it all, I learned that I am significantly stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, and that the blood of my tenacious grandmother flows through my veins. I learned that although setbacks happen, failure is not an option.

Do I envy those who have a belief in an almost superhero type devine being? Yes, sometimes. I envy a belief in a being who swoops down in times of need to pick one up or give one strength, a belief in a being who controls those things around you such that you never encounter anything that you are not given the strength to over come. But in my tough times, that being has been no were to be found. I've spent more than one occasion sobbing uncontrolably, contemplating ending it all, wondering why, after following so faithfully, I had been forsaken. Then I came to the realization, that things do NOT happen for a reason. Dropping my nose ring down the sink isn't an act by a higher power to show me something, in fact it was probably caused by my dumb butt thinking that I could take it out over the sink without dropping it. Figuring out how to unscrew the sink drain on my own wasn't a flash of devine inspiration, it was my own ingenuity and probably a combination of the thousands of home improvment shows I was forced to watch growing up.

So, bottom line, I believe that things happen at random. Myself and the support system I put in place are the only things I can depend on in tough times. As scary as that is, it's also freeing. And if nothing else, I can tell you that it has made me damn proud of my accomplishments!

So, what do you believe? Feel free to write your own "This I Believe" blog and post a link in the comments so that we can all read it. And if you'd like to hear some of the official This I Believe essays, they can be found here.

Happy snowy Monday to you all!

bonnie