Friday, September 22, 2006

So, I've Come to Terms with the Fact That I'm OCD...

So, over the last few days, I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm definitely OCD! I'd always wondered, but now I'm sure. So, what prompted this realization?

Well, I'm flying back to Charlotte to see a very old, very dear friend tomorrw night. It's been planned for a couple of months and the closer I get, the more excited (read: slightly anxious) I get. I haven't seen him in 5 1/5 years and he's the most important relationship in my life right now. So, I started a parking list. "That's not so crazy...." you say. But I sarted the packing list 4 weeks ago. "Yea, that's crazy!" And it gets worse. I've had all my shopping trips planned out for months according to my pay day schedule, so that I would have the money to purchase the things I felt I needed.

Then this weekend, I was faced with unavoidable evidence. I looked around my apartment and found it covered in sticky notes. With the new "no liquids" carry-on regulations, I've thought through EVERYTHING I'm taking. (This really put a wrinkle in my plans since I'm taking a red eye out of LAX and arriving in Charlotte at 8am EST. I was planning on wearing my PJ's from LAX to Atlanta and then taking my two hour lay over to make my transformation into beautiful, but now... no perfume, no toothpaste, no liquid lipstick...) I've made conscious decisions as to which bag everything should be placed in. I even bought a back up thing of mascara in case they take the one I have in my carry-on bag. And you know you can never pack everything until that last minute when you've brushed your teeth for the last time...etc. So, I've placed sticky notes on all my luggage reminding me of what still needs to be placed in each bag. Then I have a sticky note on my door reminding me to turn off my alarm clock (so that my neighbors don't absolutely hate me by the time I return) and to grab my dress (which I'm carrying on the plane because it'll get all wrinkled if I put it in any of my bags.)

I've even thought through my transportation situation, and not just in the way that a normal person would. My hair cut appointment (that I desperately needed) was canceled for this past weekend. So, I had to reschedule for my lunch break on Wednesday (cutting it close, I know!). Well, I'll need to drive. So I realized that if I park at my building (about 11 blocks from my house) when I come in from volunteering at the battered women's shelter on Monday night then I'll can just walk back and forth to work like I normally do on Tuesday and then my car will be at my building when I need to leave at lunch time on Wednesday. Then since it'll be the middle of the day, I'll be able to get a parking place close to my house (which is only possible in the freaking middle of the day when everyone is at work). Then I'll walk back to my building. Then when work is over I'll be able to walk back to the house, take a shower, pack the last few things and then drive my car over to my building which has a metro stop at the bottom. That way I won't have to lug my luggage 11 blocks tot he metro station. Then I'll ride the metro and the shuttle to the airport and be on my way.

Wow!!! I really, really, really think too much!!!!!! And the even worse part is... I'm on an anti-anxiety medication!!!! Can you even imagine what I would be like if I weren't taking it?!?!!? I don't even want to think about it. Actually, I think the only reason why I'm able to channel the energy into something even remotely productive (excessive planning being considered remotely productive) is because the medication takes the edge off the anxiety. I know I should be exstatic, but I'm not at the moment. I know I will as soon as I get on the plane, and of course as soon as I see him all the anxiety will just melt away, but for right now, It's killing me. I've been counting down for a long time. When we made the plans we were at 9 weeks. Every wednesday was exciting because it meant I was one week closer to seeing him. Then I started counting days, and now I'm at hours. 9 weeks is too long to be thinking about something. I think I've just had too much time to think about stuff.

So, right now I'm at 33 1/2 hours and counting. I really need that pedicure this evening!! And a glass of wine!!!! Will I be able to get at glass of wine in the Atlanta airport at 5:00am EST? :-)


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