I had the strangest experience at the grocery store last night. I know you all are thinking, "Well, we thought she was crazy, but now we know for sure!" But hear me out!
I'm a very detail orriented person. I love lists and thinking and planning ahead. I love organization. (I guess I'm in the right profession!) So last night after working late, I realized on my walk home that I had no food in the house. I got paid on Monday and had been meaning to stop by the grocery store for days, but something had come up every night. So, last night after I got home, I grabbed my urbanite-granny-rolly-basket and walked to my local ghetto Vons. I call it that because it's really small and doesn't have a great sellection. But I love being able to walk back and forth, especially since it was after 8pm and there's no way in hell I'd have found a parking place if I'd driven anywhere (yea, I live a block from the beach and I walk to work, and it was like 80 degrees today, but it's not perfect out here. I'm sure you all feel better now.) :-)
But before I left, I pulled out a piece of paper and went through my cabinets. I knew all last week I'd go to make something and realize that I had 1 of the 2 things I needed. So, I took inventory. For instance, I had pasta but no sauce, cheese for grilled cheese but no bread... etc. So, I made a list, strapped my iPod to my arm and headed out. (Don't tell my dad or my supervisor, Janiel, that I was walking around downtown Long Beach at almost 9pm!)
I had a wonderful time. I picked out what I needed. I could choose anything I wanted. I knew exactly how much I had to spend so that I would still have money for other things. I could think through the whole week and a half until I get paid again and figure out what I could get that would be the most economical and efficient yet allow me to not feel deprived! (For instance I get these frozen dinners that don't have a single naturally occuring ingrediant in them. I think they grow them right in the boxes in the lab. But they are cheep and they don't completely suck. But I've learned that if I get a couple of different kinds and keep at least three or so in the freezer at work, I have a choice and I'm not tempted to run downstairs and spend WAY too much on an over priced sandwhich.)
So, then I wheeled them all home in my basket and drug it up three flights of stairs by myself. And put it all away while I jamed to my music (how did I live before I had an iPod?!) and it was great.
Now I know what you are all thinking now. "Wow, yea, this girl's totally nuts. That's sounds like so much work, she did it all by herself, and she's excited about it." But you just don't understand. I've always done this kind of thing myself. My ex would never contribute any effort to these types of household responsability. And if he did, he wanted me to go with him and he wanted to ask me a thousand questions. So, basically I did it even when he did it. Then he would try to get out of carrying up the groceries if at all possible, then as soon as the bags where in the kitchen floor he would walk away and start working on the computer. If I didn't put them away they would stay there for weeks or until whatever it was was needed.
So, even though I did a lot of this kind of stuff, the fact that I felt so taken advantage of ruined the whole experience. It feel so good to be in total control. To not feel resentful and really be able to enjoy living. I had been feeling that I had all the sucky parts of being married but yet all the sucky parts of being single. I had to pull the entire weight of taking care of a household as if I were single, but with the restrictions of being married as well. It feels so good to be on my own. I never thought I would feel like this, but it's amazing.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to be single my entire life. In fact I'll probably only be living by myself for the next 9 months or so, but now I know what is important to me. I know what tasks I enjoy doing, and how important it is to me to find someone who is willing to share the day to day tasks involved with living.
But as for right now...I'm enjoying going to the grocery store by myself. :-)
Bye y'all,
Bonnie
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