Thoughts on the News

I seem to have a million thoughts rolling around in my head this morning. I feel like I need to get them out, so if this isn't your cup 'o tea and you just want baby pictures (which is fine!) then feel free to skip this post all together! But I feel that I'm going to explode if I don't get this out.

In case you've been living under a rock, without access to news of any kind or social media sites (which is how I found out... gotta love Facebook) Osama Bin Laden was apparently killed, and I feel like the only person who isn't jubilant at this news. Don't get me wrong, I understand that killing is sometimes necessary and I'm glad the bastard is dead. I just don't feel like throwing a party. I guess I feel like a lot of families whose loved one's murderer is given the death penalty. It doesn't bring the loved one back.

Bin Laden's death doesn't bring back any of those killed on 9-11. It doesn't bring back the fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives who have been killed fighting the war on terror over the last 10 years. It doesn't fix the broken lives of those wounded. It doesn't heal my close friend's Traumatic Brain Injury or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that has devastated his life.

It doesn't heal the hatred of "them" that this pursuit has fostered. It doesn't help the prejudice against peace loving followers of Islam that seems to be getting worse and not better in our political climate. I am so tired of seeing political pendents seeming to equate Islam with evil. Islam is not evil! PEOPLE ARE EVIL! There are evil Islamists, evil Christians, evil Atheists... Extremism in almost every form is evil. And THAT is our enemy. Osama Bin Laden was our enemy and I'm glad he is dead. But we have paid a high price for his head.

Many have lost their lives. Many have returned broken and battered. I've come to learn that no one comes back from the battle field whole. You lose your soul in war. You cannot kill another human without sacrificing some of your own humanity. Those who have sacrificed deserve to be honored, respected, and appreciated, along with their families. But this is not a video game. These are real people... real lives... and real sacrifices being made.

It sounds like it is still being debated as to who was responsible for this attack (CIA, Navy Seals, etc.). I am so very proud of the work done by whomever it was! But this just doesn't seem like a time for celebrating. Reveling in death just seems wrong. Especially when this may make the world less safe for our men and women in uniform.

So... to the families of those lost on 9-11, know that we will never forget! To the families of those lost in the fighting since then, know the sacrifice of your loved one will never go unappreciated! To the military members and their families who have and continue to sacrifice to keep us safe, THANK YOU!

My prayer is that peace may come quickly and that we learn to separate religion from extremism.

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We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming of cuteness and cuddles.

Aaaahhhh! Much better!

Random Thoughts On a Friday

So, I'm horribly behind on this week's update. Oops. I have it mostly written, it's just that I've been too busy/lazy to download the weekly pictures off the camera. Oh well. I'll get to it eventually, and I really want to start posting shorter more frequent posts anyway. Those weekly marathon posts get overwhelming to read (and write). So, anyway...

Today I am exhausted! It's been a busy week. I've been working on a project that will be used as decoration for the Welcoming tomorrow and then used in Turtle's room. That has taken up a lot of my time in the evenings. Then on Wednesday Turtle had her 2 month appointment and got her first big round of shots. When I got home from work she was super-duper cranky, slightly feverish, and her legs were sore. Our pediatrician had recommended that we avoid giving her anything if possible since it's best for her little body to fight the vaccine in order to build up the immunity to the disease. So, I quickly abandoned my plans for the evening and spent the rest of the night with Turtle sleeping on my chest.

I'm happy to say that I finished my project last night and it looks almost as good as I hoped. I'm looking forward to getting it up into her room. Tonight I have even more stuff to get. Today I got my first post-maternity leave pay check! Woot Woot! We've been living on a wing and a prayer for the last 9 weeks so it feels nice to have my salary coming in again. I held off buying stuff for the Welcoming until today though so I have to stop at the party store and the grocery store on the way home to get the supplies. Then tonight I'm making cupcakes for the party so they will cool before I have to ice them tomorrow.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what Turtle's personality will be like. I wonder if she is showing hints of it now or if she will be completely different? Will I look back and say, "You've been like that since the time you were born?" But I won't remember what she was like if I don't write it down, so, Turtle, here are my personality predictions.

Independent: I've learned recently that sometimes you get to were you are just over being held. Sometimes you will be super fussy but if we will put you down on your back beside us on the couch or on your changing table you stop crying and start smiling. You also love to spend time in your crib, on your changing table, or in your bassinet just looking around. You are very good at entertaining yourselves a lot of the time and don't need someone right there entertaining you every minute of the day. We are also extremely lucky in that not only do you sleep through the night, but if we will put you down when you are sleepy but not asleep, you will coo and talk to yourself until you have put yourself to sleep without any problems.

You know what you want and aren't afraid to demand it: You love watching your owls on your mobile and the birdies on your swing fly around. When they stop, you aren't shy about expressing your displeasure with them. :-) If you are in your swing and grandma or I are in the kitchen we know when the cycle is over and the birdies have stopped because you will start yelling at them. We we start them back up you go right back to watching and talking.

Observant: You love to look around and if we put you on our shoulders and you aren't tired you lift your head up so you can see better. Now you've even started pushing up with your hands and arms. You love to sit facing outward so that you can see everything and everyone and really enjoy all the cool things to look at in your nursery. You also love looking at the bright colored pictures in the books grandma likes to read to you.

Pleasant: Overall you are a very happy baby crying mostly when you are hungry, wet, or too tired. You give out lots of smiles and mommy gets lots of coos and "talking" in the morning.

Outgoing: You will pretty much let anyone hold you and are often times even more calm and smiley when we are out with people you don't get to see very often.

We'll see if these are indicators of what her personality will be when she's older or not. I can't wait to watch as she develops into the person she's meant to be! Happy Friday everyone!

Wordless Wednesdays - Swaddle Houdini

Welcoming Ceremony

Since I want to save my update on my first week at work for the next weekly post, I thought I'd take a moment to tell you about the Welcoming Ceremony we are having for Turtle next week. Although I am not religious, I believe very much in the role of ceremony in our lives. Especially in the fast paced world that we live in, it is often times too easy to just let life fly past us. Ceremonies force us to stop and really savor important milestones in our lives, acknowledging that this moment in time is sacred and our lives will never be the same.

This is why I love weddings so much. It's one of the few life transitions that our society formally recognizes for both the religious and the non-religious alike. But having a baby as an atheist/agnostic is a different story. There is no justice of the peace to officiate your Baby.... I mean what do you even call it. A Baptism? Obviously not. A Dedication? No then people think it's a religious alternative to infant baptism. A Blessing. No, still too religious sounding. Thankfully, I have a wonderful friend who is very well versed in life "off the beaten path". :-) While I was pregnant I talked to her about my thoughts and struggles finding something that felt right. She was the first to use the term Welcoming. It was perfect! Just like our wedding, I wanted this to be an opportunity for our community, and therefore Lily's community, to come together to welcome it's newest member.

So, I turned to my trusty Google and was excited to find lots and lots and lots of alternative baby ceremony ideas! With Google it's always about finding the right search terms. I started with an open mind. Reading about various ceremonies that people had created, and I started making notes in a Google Doc. Just like our wedding, I was able to see the ceremony slowly take shape over the course of a few weeks. I will be forever grateful to the officiants and participants who were willing to put up the text of their ceremony. I read over a bunch, copying and pasting the things that really struck me and then edited and edited until it really looks nothing like any one ceremony I read. Here's the basic flow of there ceremony.

Upon entering, everyone will be given a river rock to hold in their hands and warm with their blessings as the ceremony takes place.

We'll start off with an introduction, then move into a "naming ritual" where she is officially presented to the community for the first time and her name is announced. We explain what her name means and a little about why we chose it.

Then we start with the blessings and the vows. I wanted this part to have the feel of water rippling outward after a stone is thrown in the water. We start with  Jay and I since I'm a firm believer that the parents are the foundation of family (parents being used not in a strictly biological sense and without regard to gender even). We will have a chance to reaffirm our commitment to each other and to supporting each other in our new role as parents. 

After that we'll affirm our commitment to Lily, acknowledging that she possesses her own unique gifts and promising to raising her to find her own path. Then we widen the circle to include the grandmothers who are asked to commit to sharing their wisdom and experience.

Then we widen the circle even more to include the rest of the community. I feel very fortunate to have friends and family who have such unique lives, opinions, beliefs, etc. and I fully plan to take advantage of that as Lily grows up and wants to explore different things on her life's journey. So, we will be asking our community to commit to giving Lily the benefit of their diverse knowledge and experience and to support Jay and I in our role as parents and Lily's grandmother's in their roles as well.

Everyone will then be asked to come up and place their river rock (which they have been warming with their love and blessings, you remember) in a bowl of water. This water will then become "sacred", consecrated not by an external Deity or power, or because a person of faith says so, but by the love and commitment of her friends and family. This water will then be used to bless her starting with her head and working down to her feet.

Then the community is thanked and the same Irish blessing that was read over us at our wedding will be read over everyone as a benediction. Then we'll eat!

Since we are majorly short on cash right now, I'm keeping the food simple. Cupcakes and soda/milk/coffee. I've found some super cute ideas for making cupcakes that look like owls and I'll probably make some cupcake picks to stick down in others.

As for decorations, again, we are super tight on cash so It's going to be minimal. But there's a project I've been wanting to make for the nursery and decided it would be perfect as decoration for the party. So, that became the motivation I needed to get off my butt. I cut out triangles (bunting) from the patterned fabrics I used in the nursery and then letters out of solid brown. I'm going to string them on ribbon and it'll say "Grow wise little owl". I'll hang it over the main table for the ceremony and then it'll move up into her bedroom over her crib. I may bring down the owl lanterns I have hung in the nursery as well.

So, that's the story of how our Welcoming Ceremony came about. I can't wait for this Saturday. I've been thinking about and dreaming of this day for almost a year now. I really have to find the power cord for our video camera because I definitely want it on tape and then I promise to upload it to YouTube and post it here. And I'm sure there will be lots and lots of pictures!

Have a great week everyone!

Thankful Thursdays

Today, I am first and foremost thankful that my transition back to work has been wonderful. In fact, I couldn't have really asked for a better experience.

I'm thankful for the increadible family I get to come home to every day.

I'm thankful for the amazing smiles and "coos" I get to experience in the morning when I feed Lily.

I'm thankful that she is sleeping through the night!!! Getting to sleep from 9-10pm until 5:30am-ish makes all the difference!

I'm thankful that my mom is not only willing and able to watch Lily during the day but that she (my mom) is the happiest I've seen her in years because of it.

I'm thankful that Jay has an opportunity for a new position at his company that would make his life a lot more enjoyable. ::fingers crossed::

I have so many things to be thankful for. I could really go on and on! But I'll stop there for now. What are you thankful for this beautiful Thursday?

Savor, Savor, Savor (Week 8)

Being my last week of maternity leave the name of the game this week is SAVOR. I'll be very honest. I never imagined myself as a working mother. For as long as I've wanted a baby, I've wanted the opportunity to stay home and raise them. But alas, this is not possible at the moment. So, I'll learn to roll with this too, just like I've done with so many other things that have happened over the course of the last 8 weeks.

When I was in college (?) there was this little book that was hugely popular in the business community. It's called Who Moved My Cheese and is basically about dealing with change and learing to roll with the punches because in the rat race of life it constantly feels like someone is moving the cheese at the end of the maze. I feel like my life has been a moving target for the last few weeks and I constantly find myself wanted to yell, "Who moved my cheese... AGAIN!"

I've gone from being insistant on having a natural childbirth to getting a highly medicalized birth including Pitocin and an epidural. I've had to let go of my dreams of breastfeeding my child for a minimum of the first 6 months of her life and now am a proud formula feeder. I thought I'd be a hard core Attachment Parenting baby wearer and yet I find myself thankful when she is willing to take a nap in her swing or crib so that I can have my body to myself for a few minutes. I thought it would be easier to parent "compassionately", always putting myself in my daughter's shoes before making any judgements on her behavior until she screamed for 3 hours straight and I got to the point where I had done everything I possibly could think of to sooth her and I didn't really care what was wrong with her, I just wanted.her.to.freaking.stop! And now I find myself going back to work next week.

Thankfully, I've had a long time to adjust to the idea. We figured pretty early on in the pregnancy that it was going to be impossible to live on one income. I fought and fought and fought. I insisted that there was some way to make it work. But alas, there was no way. Right now our expenses require two incomes. It is what it is. So, I had no choice but to figure out a way to make it work. We are so lucky to have my mom who not only loves Lily like her own, but is available to watch her during the day. My mom is a professional tutor and therefore has a flexible schedule. She is going to be able to come over and watch Lily at the house keeping her (and me) from having to be bundled up in the morning and taken somewhere.

I've tried to look at the bright side of going back to work. I look forward to going to the bathroom by myself, to being able to ensure that I get lunch every day, to having some adult interaction, and to be honest I get very bored at home alone all day. But just thinking about being away from her makes me cry. I'm thankful that I was able to hold off the feelings until the last week or so. I worked very hard in the first few weeks to keep the saddness away so that I wouldn't ruin the time I did have with her. But here we are at the end and it's hard not to be sad.

I worry about a lot of things. I worry that she'll forget who I am. I worry that she'll get so attached to my mom that she'll cry for her in the evenings. I worry that she'll feel like I don't love her any more since I'm leaving her. I worry that I will be so miserable at work all day that it will make my life unbearable. Again... I just never imagined myself having to do this. :-( I feel very stuck, forced to do something I don't want to do but know I have to.

Mom took Lily over night on Sunday so that my first morning could be easy. Adjusting to getting up again is going to be hard since I've been sleeping when she sleeps in the morning. When I dropped her off I just kissed her head and cried and cried. I tried to explain to her that I loved her very much and that me being away didn't change that. Jay was very supportive and reminded me that she wasn't dying, I was just going to work. When we got home I took a big glass of wine out on the back deck and had a chance to breath deeply.

Hopefully, the anticipation will be the worst part.

We didn't get to take many pictures this week, but our friend Dan got this one with his cell phone on Saturday after we went to the gun and knife show. Yes, I'm the mother who took her 8 week old daughter to the gun and knife show. Just wish I wouldn've had an Obama 2012 onesie to put her in. Hehe!

I fall in love with that man a little more every day! Have a great week everyone!

Wordless Wednesdays

How could you not love this face?!?!