Holy cow! 22 weeks ya'll! Only 18 more to go!!! Time is passing faster and faster the further along we go. The summer was pretty sparse as far as activities go, so I figure that's why. Every week that passed seemed like an eternity. Now it's like every time I turn around it's Wednesday again and time for another weekly update blog.
So, this week we are a Papaya. Actually, we've switched from getting a fruit a week to getting a fruit a month and it'll be this way for the duration of the pregnancy. So, I'm going to have to come up with a different way of naming these weekly updates. Hum...
"Your baby's senses are really developing this week. Taste buds are forming and nerve endings are developing enough for your baby to experience the sensation of touch."
How's mama doing?
I've definitely had my ups and downs this week, but I try to keep in mind that as an unmedicated bi-polar that is to be expected. Right now I need to just focus on riding them out and reminding myself to not make any life changing decisions when I'm feeling "off". I've been focusing on, and struggling with, eating better this week. We went over the Brewer Diet in our childbirth class last week and I've been trying to follow it. The diet is high in protein and supposed to help prevent pre-eclampsia, which is something I am very interested in avoiding! But it's hard. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I'm a food addict. I eat as a way of exerting control over my life. My inner dialogue usually goes something like this, "I may not be able to have what I want in my life, but DAMN IT, I can eat whatever the heck I want!" Limiting and restricting my food makes me feel very out of control, almost vulnerable, and causes my anxiety to shoot through the roof.
I was dealing with this very well, right before finding out I was pregnant. I was doing Weight Watchers and making great strides towards being free of this addiction to food. But that was when I was on the medication. I said a few weeks ago that I feel like I'm going backwards in my personal growth, slipping back into old patterns of thinking and behaving. This is one of those, and it has made eating a healthy well balanced diet at best overwhelming, at worse impossible. For most of the week I've felt like a failure as a mother because I couldn't fill in all the little boxes I needed to, and my daughter isn't even here yet. But my mom reminding me last night that life is all about balance. Balance in eating, but also balance in being kind to myself. I have a special challenge to deal with during this pregnancy and that is being unmedicated. On one hand there is eating a balanced diet for my health and Lily's... on the other hand is keeping my sanity for my health and Lily's. And I am a success in many other areas. For instance I was about a 1/3-1/2 a pack a day smoker until I got that positive pregnancy test and stopped cold turkey immediately after finding out we were pregnant. I need to remind myself of my successes sometimes.
At least I now know what I should be striving for... 4 servings of milk, 5 servings of grains, 2 leafy green veggies, etc. every day. But I cannot allow myself to breakdown if I do not meet my goal. I need to make eating healthy a priority for my health and Lily's while keeping in mind that unreasonable expectations are destructive and counter productive.
I've been working on writing a Welcoming Ceremony for after Lily is born. I'll be posting about that more here as we get closer to her birth. I may not be religious, but I believe whole heatedly in the importance of ritual in our lives and the lives of a community. Therefore, I feel it's very important to have some sort of ceremony marking the growth of our little family and the addition of a new person into our community. So, we'll be having a ceremony hopefully about 6-8 weeks after she's born that will basically welcome her into our community. I'm currently doing a lot of research on this and putting together the actual ceremony. I'm really excited with how it's coming together and I can't wait to share.
So, how's daddy doing?
He's great! He's patiently waiting to be able to feel her little kicks from the outside. I'm starting to feel them more and more but because of the placenta being in the front, he hasn't been able to feel them yet. He loves to kiss my belly and talk to her though, which is great since she can now hear our voices. He always tells her goodbye in the mornings before he goes to work and it's the cutest thing in the entire world! Just melts my heart every morning. I can't wait until she comes out and he can hold her. I know he is counting down the days.
Well, I think that's it for this installment of the Lily Show. See you all first of the week with belly pics! Have a wonderful Wednesday!