Almost Wordless Wednesdays - BFF's

And we keep trying to tell Turtle that her bib isn't as effective if she keeps wearing it like a cape.

Bringing Home Baby: A Nice to Have Newborn List

Now that you have a handle on the things you "need" to bring home a new baby, what about those things that make a new parent's life easier? Here are some of my favorite products when Turtle was a newborn.

1) A Swing or Bouncy Seat

Finding a safe place where you can put the baby down while you use the bathroom/brush your teeth/fix something to eat is essential. We bought a swing similar to the one above used and loved it. Granted it didn't help to sooth Turtle if she was upset but it was a safe place to put her if I needed to fix a bottle or something. Most people can put the baby on a blanket on the floor but we have a puppy we don't trust around her so the floor was off limits for us. If space is an issue then they make small travel swings that I've heard lots of good things about. Boucey seats are another wonderful thing. But like so many things you never know what you baby will like. Some babies love a swing and hate a bouncer. Some love the bouncer and hate the swing. Some love both or hate both. If you can borrow one until you figure out what your baby likes then go for it! If not, then check out consignment stores and craigslist.com.

2) A stretchy wrap like a Moby (there are lots of brands)

I debated on whether to put this in the Essentials list or the Nice to Have List because it really can make your life easier, especially depending on what kind of carseat you get. Since we choose to forgo the infant type carrier carseat we needed a way to carry Turtle when we were out. This was awesome and I used it all.the.time! It looks intimidating to wrap but once you get the hang of it, it's super easy. I would wrap it before I left the house and then just wear it while I drove. During Turtle's colicky phase, she practically lived in this thing. If all else failed I could head to the mall, pop her in this thing and walk around while she slept. We also used it when we went out to eat. It allowed her to sleep on me and for me to still have my hands free. I'm not sure what I would have done without it! There are lots of positives to "babywearing" and although I'm not an activist about it, I do feel that wearing you baby can help them transition to the outside world. And no you're not going to spoil them. It's impossible to spoil a baby in the first few months of life.

3) Bottle Drying Rack

Although not essential, if you are doing any significant bottle feeding (either pumped breastmilk or formula), a drying rack can help so much! I was just using a hand towel for the first few weeks, but wow! That drying rack made it so much easier. We have a small, super cheep one but it works. I'd like to have a more expensive one but since I only have experience with ours I can't say if it's worth the extra money or not.

4) A Good Bottle Brush

In the same vein as the drying rack, you'd be amazed at how exciting a good bottle brush can be! We have the Dr Brown's bottle brush and love it but there are lots of different ones. What I love the most about it (and something I'd recommend in any brush) is the suction cup holder thingy. I love knowing that it's not sitting on the counter and can dry completely between cleanings.

5) Sleepy Sheep

This thing is like baby crack to some babies and saved our sanity on more than one occasion. Basically it's a stuffed lamb with a white noise pack in its back. It plays things like a mother's heartbeat, the ocean, the rain, whales, etc. White noise can be very comforting to a newborn because they are used to hearing the sound of the mother's heartbeat, blood rushing through veins, etc.

6) Happiest Baby on the Block DVD

This is another one of those things that I debated which list it should go on. We actually didn't get it, but man I wish we had! Basically he teaches parents how to make the outside world feel as much like the womb as possible to help sooth their babies and help them transition. The only thing I don't like is that he present the techniques (which are all AWESOME!) in a way that makes them sound like a sure fire formula for a calm baby and our experience has been that sometimes babies just cry for no apparent reason. So, don't think of these techniques as a miracle formula but more as a tool box of techniques you can pull from when your little one is upset.

7) A Diaper Bag

You can absolutely use any bag you have on hand, that's why this isn't on the Essentials list. Throw a puppy pad in your old college back pack and you are ready to go. But I have absolutely loved the diaper bag I have. It is a Vera Bradley and was a huge splurge that I got as a birthday gift and what I love the most about it is the plastic lining on the inside which helps me not fear leaks and all the pockets, including two on the side just perfect for a bottle and a thing of water.

Although there are wonderful manly options for dads out there now, Jay decided to use one of his own bag . For Christmas I got him the Diaper Dude Changing Station which folds out to a changing pad and holds diapers and wipes.

He can slip this down in any bag he already owns and it suddenly becomes a diaper bag, a discrete diaper bag that is. ;-) The main thing you want to think about when purchasing a diaper bag is the weight of the actual bag. Some of the messenger styles bags are really cool looking but they weigh a lot by themselves.  Add diapers, wipes, bottles, milk, water, a change of clothes, etc, etc, and you have a bag too heavy to carry for any length of time.

8) Baby Wash Clothes and Towels

I know the baby stores don't want you to know this, but it is in fact NOT illegal to use full size adult wash clothes and towls for babies. Hehe. But I will say that I love, love, love baby wash clothes. We have just a cheap pack of Gerber washclothes from Walmart and love them. They are small and thin which I think makes washing a wiggly baby easier. The hooded baby towels are soo cute and we have one we love but most of the ones out there are thin and cheap (and yet expensive). So, don't feel like you need to stock up. People will most likely buy you some anyway because they are just too stinking cute to pass up.

9) Baby Bath Tub

Until the cord stump falls off you'll want to give the baby sponge baths and all you really need to do that is a fluffy towel folded up beside the sink. I'm a little "eh" about the whole baby bath tub thing because we have never really liked ours. Turtle has always been a wiggle worm and and we've spent most of our time with one person holding her up while the other soaps her up and then sprays her down. I've heard good things about these foam mats that sit in the bathtub and might have gone that direction if I had it to do over again. Right now we have a dish pan in our kitchen sink that we use as a bathtub. It's not big enough for her to slip around too much and seems to be working pretty well.

10) Microwaveable Serilizing Packs

These things are awesome!! You stick your pump parts, paci's, toys, etc in the bag with 2 oz of water and pop it in the microwave for 30ish seconds and ta-da! All sanitized! Love, love love!

11) Breast Pump

This is a difficult topic for me because we had to abandon breastfeeding at 2 1/2 weeks due to low supply and my mental state. I was so thankful to have a pump that a friend had sent me though. It was a lifesaver a few times and gave me another option when I was having problems. They are SUPER expensive though so I'm hesitent to say you should have one on hand. It depends a lot of how you feel about breastfeeding and such. Know that it might be covered by a Flex Spending Account so that can help cover the cost. You can also rent them from the hospital until you decide if breastfeeding is going to work for you. This is one of those items you don't want to buy off Craigslist though. The manufacturers will tell you not to use a used one at all, but I was comfortable using one from a close friends. It's up to you really.

I think those are my major Nice to Have Items for the newborn stage. What were your favorites? I'll probably update as people remind me of things.

Like Mother, Like Daughter... or not.

I really like listening to audiobooks. I've had an account at audible.com for a while and just recently started downloading books about parenting because I realized there was no way I was going to have the time to read them any time soon. But I have a 30-45 minutes commute each way every day. That gives me plenty of time to listen and absorb as much information as possible.

Right now I'm listening to one of the best books I've ever read/heard. It's called, The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence by Rachel Simmons.

I suspected it was going to be good, but it has completely blown me away! The basic premise is that so many of the things our society admires about "good girls" (such as passivity, putting other before herself at all costs, doesn't rock the boat, doesn't speak her mind) these things do not serve her well as she grows up. In fact they often cripple her as she moves into the workforce and adult interpersonal relationships.

As I listened to her describe the "good girl" I realized that I come from a long line of "good girls". We play the martyr then sulk because no one acknowledged, we get mad at those closest to us because they couldn't read our minds and anticipate our needs, needs we don't voice because we feel they aren't as important as others, and the list goes on and on! As she talked about the difficulties these traits present in adulthood I knew what she was going to say before she said it because I live it every.single.day! At that moment, I came to a difficult conclusion.

I do not want Turtle to grow up to be like me.

I hope she never stands in a crowd and feels overcome with anxiety because she truly believes she doesn't deserve to take up space in this world and because she can't make herself small enough to get out of every one's way.  I hope she never shakes with anger because she feels she can't speak up when she feels disrespected.  I hope she never shies away from a challenge because she's terrified of failure.  I hope she never shies away from conflict because her self worth somehow rides on her need to be perfect.  I hope she never stays in a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship because she's allowed that person to make her feel inferior. While we're at it, I hope she never gets into a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship because she doesn't feel that she deserves anything better!

The thing I love the most about this book, though, is that the author presents the information in a freeing and empowering way. (Which is much better than the last book I tried to listen to which was just alarmist, depressing, and infuriating!) She makes you feel like it doesn't have to be like this and gives you tools to use to help your daughter become a "real girl" instead of a "good girl".  I am actively working on retraining the "good girl"/"good mom" in myself and releasing the "real girl". Hopefully that'll make it easier for Turtle to become the real, true, authentic girl she is meant to be. Because I know that no matter what I say, if I act as if I don't deserve to take up space in this world or that my needs aren't as important as others... that is what she will ultimately learn.

It's not going to be easy, but between Grandma, Mama, and Turtle, I think we can figure it out.

Wordless Wednesdays

In the Mean Time

I've been working on some pretty intense blogs about baby gear and what is really necessary to bring home a baby lately and there is lots more to come. But in the mean time, I wanted to share this awesome pic my brother got this weekend. He got a new lens for his camera and needed a willing model. Turtle is always willing and she even had on one of my favorite outfits. I call it her Punk Princess outfit. I also love that you can see a couple of my tattoos.

I'm sure I'll post a bunch more from this shoot but this should hold you over. Look at those chubby cheeks! I die! If you want to see more of my brother's awesome photography check out his Flickr account. If you kids are looking over your shoulder beware though, his primary love is car photography and sometimes with cars come scantily clad girls. Just a heads up. Have a great day!

Bringing Home Baby: A Budget Newborn Survival List

Just like planning for a wedding, planning for a baby is all about priorities. There isn't enough money in the world to purchase all the products the baby industry tells you you "need". I'd like to tell you that I understood this from the beginning and approached our registry and baby gear purchases sanely and methodically. That would only be true though if we lived in opposite world. I'm embarrassed to admit that about 15 minutes after peeing on a stick I was researching nursery decor (and that's only a slight exaggeration). Within weeks I was drowning in contradictory product reviews, must have registry lists, and enough opinions to make my head spin. I think it was mostly my way of channeling my anxiety over being a first time mom and having absolutely.no.idea what I was doing.

Eventually I realized (with the help of my husband) that one way of prioritizing everything was to focus on what we would need to bring the baby home first. This helped a lot, which is why I'm choosing this topic to start the baby gear discussion. Before we get into the nitty-gritty of baby gear, there are two major things that you need to understand.

One: Remember that stores will be open after the baby comes!

As our lactation consultant laughingly said, "It's like new parents think Target is closing for good after their baby comes." I realized that I was acting as if I believed that. You do not need to have everything under the sun by the time the baby is born.

and...

Two: Remember that regardless of how much research you do, you will not know exactly what you need until that little baby gets here!

And this applies to every aspect of parenting. So, even though I'm going to give you my take on the Newborn Must-Have list, know that you can only figure it out as you go along. As one of my besties told me a few days into this bliss called motherhood, "Welcome to parenting by the seat of your pants."

Truthfully, and don't tell Babies R Us that I told you this, but there is actually very little that you NEED to bring the baby home. Here's my bare bones budget list.

1) Carseat

This is a non-negotiable item and one I feel should be prioritized very close to the top if not at the top of the list. We spent more on our carseat then we did on any other item. I'm going to do a whole post on new vs. used items but this is not an item you want to get used if at all possible. Granted any carseat is better than none, carseats should be destroy after an accident and also have expiration dates on them. Therefore, unless you are getting one from an extremely trusted friend, a new carseat is recommended. Also, keep in mind that all seats (from the $35 basic Cosco brand convertable to the $300+ Britax) have to meet the same basic safety standards. Therefore every carseat sold new in a store is safe for you child to ride in. Most of the variation comes in ease of use features and comfort features and the safest carseat is the one that fits your car the best and that you will use consistently and correctly.

Now there are two major kinds for babies. The infant carrier style and the convertible style. An infant carrier has a handle and a base. The infant can be loaded in and out of the carrier in the house and then snapped into the base which stays installed in the car. Infant carrier style seats are only rear facing and have a lower weight limit. With a convertible, the carseat stays installed in the car and the baby is loaded in and out in the car. Convertible carseats can be used rear facing or forward facing and therefore have a higher weight limit. No matter what anyone tells you, both types are equally safe! Ultimately, you will need a convertible at some point in your child's life so that's a given. The question then becomes do you want to invest in an infant carrier.

We chose not to. Turtle came home from the hospital in a Britax Boulevard 70 CS and it will probably be the only carseat she ever needs. Would I do this again? Yes and no. If I had it to do over again, I'd still invest the money we did into the Britax, but I would have purchased a basic, inexpensive infant carrier for the first few weeks. She was so floppy when she was first born that it was difficult to get her buckled into the Britax and the hassle it entailed kept me from going out and doing things when I was on maternity leave.

2) Somewhere for the Baby to Sleep.

This could be a bassinet, a pack and play, or a crib. At 4 1/2 months, Turtle is still in her co-sleeper bassinet. I've loved this thing and am so glad we bought it (purchased used by the way). The third side folds down so you can attach it to your bed or it can stand on its own and serve as a free standing bassinet. I've had it both attached and unattached. I recommend having the baby in your room whether you put the crib in your room, use a basinette or pack and play. Getting up in the middle of the night is so much easier when the baby is right there at your bedside. However, you certainly can put the baby in a crib in his/her room from the very beginning. It's up to you.

Along with whatever you choose for baby to sleep in, you will need a couple of sheets (at least two but I think three is better: one for the basinette/crib/pack and play, one for the dirty clothes and one to have in the linen closet). It's always nice to have one clean at all times for those middle of the night diaper leaks or spit up lakes. Layering is awesome. On Turtle's bed I have it made up like this: waterproof mattress pad, sheet, waterproof mattress pad, sheet. This allows me to strip one layer off in the middle of the night without having to put another one on. Since she hasn't slept in her crib for the night yet, we haven't had a chance to use this system but I do wish I could do this on the co-sleeper. It would make things easier but the special sheets don't allow for multiple layers.

3) A Wearable Blanket

Pretty much everyone agrees that babies should be put to bed on their back without any lose covers or stuffed animals or anything else in their sleeping area. This creates a problem with keeping baby warm. That's where Sleep Sacks come in. Sleep sacks keep baby warm without the worry that they will get tangled up in their blankets, impeding their breathing. We got the one with the swaddle wings and it worked wonders!


4) Something for the Baby to Wear

Footed sleepers are awesome! Newborns sleep so much of the time that these make life really easy. I've heard that the zippered ones are the best since sleep deprivation and snaps don't always go together, but we managed just fine. Now as for sizes. Some babies will be born wearing "newborn" sized clothes. Some will be too big and will go right into "0-3" which is usually larger than "newborn". Note that Carter's clothes are sized a little differently. Their size 3 is actually a 0-3 and their 6 is a 3-6, etc. Now just to make everything more fun, not all newborn sized clothes are the same size. Grr! So there's really no way to know ahead of time. My recommendation is to have a few footed sleepers (maybe a 3-pack or two) in size newborn and 0-3. When the baby gets here you'll know better what sizes to buy and can purchase more. I know some people who bought truck loads of newborn clothes that their children never wore and then others who had to go out and buy newborn sizes because all their baby was too small for the 0-3. There's really no way to know.

5) Something to Put on Their Butt

We like the Pampers Swaddlers and Pampers Wipes which were used in our hospital but everyone swears by something else. This is another one of those things that you won't be able to know until after the baby comes. Some babies react better to certain brands and some fit better than others. So, bottom line... don't stock up before the baby and any boxes you buy, keep the receipts (one friend would tape it to the side of the box) so that you can exchange them if necessary. I recommend one box of newborn size and one box of size 1. That is of course if you are doing disposable diapers.

If you chose to use cloth diapers that's a whole other ballgame. Since we decided to only use disposables I don't know much about cloth, but there is lot so good information out there!

6) Somewhere to Change Their Butt

You can get a dedicated changing table, put a changing pad on top of a dresser, or simply pick up some puppy pads. I don't recommend a changing table since it's such a unique piece of furniture and is hard to use after the diaper stage. Putting a changing pad on top of a dresser is an option a lot of people are going with, or you can simply use the floor/your bed/the couch/etc. Whatever you choose to do, I recommend getting a pack of puppy training pads (available at Wal-Mart, Target, grocery stores, etc.). These make anything a changing pad and they work. Turtle peed without her diaper on when I was changing her on my bed. The puppy pad absorbed everything and my bed was no worse for the wear. Even if you get a changing pad, this will protect the cover so that you don't have to wash it as often.

7) At Least One Bottle

Whether you decide to breastfeed or formula feed have at least one bottle on hand when you bring the baby home because you never know how things are going to go. We had a hard time breastfeed and my poor husband had to run out to the drugstore to get one out of desperation.  However, just like so many other things, you won't know what bottle type your baby likes until he or she is here so don't stock up on one type, or at least keep the receipts and don't wash them all. We use the Dr. Browns and love them even though they have a few extra pieces. Don't get overwhelmed by the bottle section at the baby stores. They are all equally acceptable and it really just depends on what your baby likes. I know people who swear by all the brands.

8) Pack of Gerber Tri-Fold Cloth Diapers (as burp clothes)

These are the best burp clothes out there, in my opinion. They are larger than the pretty ones, thicker and cheaper. Love, love, love them. You can use them as for all kinds of things. Trust me, just get a pack. You'll be glad you did.

9) Nursing Tanks

If you choose to breastfeed I highly recommend having a couple of these on hand. They make frequent breastfeeding sessions quick and easy and throw a cardigan or sweater over top and you're ready to accept guests. The ones I have are from Target and I love them but there are lots out there.

10) Boppy Nursing Pillow

We have used ours every single day since Turtle came home from the hospital. It is so helpful not only for breastfeeding but for general baby cuddling. I don't think we could have survived without ours.

So, there you go, my Top 10 Newborn Survival List. Next I'll do a Newborn Nice to Have List, but this should get you started.


Edited to Add: A good friend of ours, and new father, had a wonderful suggestion after reading this on Facebook. He recommends having a couple houndred dollars in the bank when the baby comes home because as you can see from above, there are so many things that you can't know you need until the baby is here! I would add as well to save those gift cards! If it came down too it, as long as you have the few things on this list, I'd save any giftcards you have and as much money as you can until after the baby is here and you can know what they like and don't like. I know we spent a good amount of money the first few weeks because we realized what bottles she liked and needed a few more, what paci's she liked and need a few more, she was smaller than we'd anticipated and needed more newborn sized clothes, and we realized that even though I'd scoffed at the swaddlers and said, "Oh! I can do that with just a blanket. I don't need no fancy velcro swaddler" our little swaddle Houdini had other ideas.

Bringing Home Baby:

1) Introduction
2) A Pregnancy Must Have List
3) A Budget Newborn Survival List

Almost Wordless Wednesdays

Sitting on Grandma's back porch watching squirrels while Grandma drinks her coffee. It took everything in me not to leave work and join them.