So, over the last few days, I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm definitely OCD! I'd always wondered, but now I'm sure. So, what prompted this realization?
Well, I'm flying back to Charlotte to see a very old, very dear friend tomorrw night. It's been planned for a couple of months and the closer I get, the more excited (read: slightly anxious) I get. I haven't seen him in 5 1/5 years and he's the most important relationship in my life right now. So, I started a parking list. "That's not so crazy...." you say. But I sarted the packing list 4 weeks ago. "Yea, that's crazy!" And it gets worse. I've had all my shopping trips planned out for months according to my pay day schedule, so that I would have the money to purchase the things I felt I needed.
Then this weekend, I was faced with unavoidable evidence. I looked around my apartment and found it covered in sticky notes. With the new "no liquids" carry-on regulations, I've thought through EVERYTHING I'm taking. (This really put a wrinkle in my plans since I'm taking a red eye out of LAX and arriving in Charlotte at 8am EST. I was planning on wearing my PJ's from LAX to Atlanta and then taking my two hour lay over to make my transformation into beautiful, but now... no perfume, no toothpaste, no liquid lipstick...) I've made conscious decisions as to which bag everything should be placed in. I even bought a back up thing of mascara in case they take the one I have in my carry-on bag. And you know you can never pack everything until that last minute when you've brushed your teeth for the last time...etc. So, I've placed sticky notes on all my luggage reminding me of what still needs to be placed in each bag. Then I have a sticky note on my door reminding me to turn off my alarm clock (so that my neighbors don't absolutely hate me by the time I return) and to grab my dress (which I'm carrying on the plane because it'll get all wrinkled if I put it in any of my bags.)
I've even thought through my transportation situation, and not just in the way that a normal person would. My hair cut appointment (that I desperately needed) was canceled for this past weekend. So, I had to reschedule for my lunch break on Wednesday (cutting it close, I know!). Well, I'll need to drive. So I realized that if I park at my building (about 11 blocks from my house) when I come in from volunteering at the battered women's shelter on Monday night then I'll can just walk back and forth to work like I normally do on Tuesday and then my car will be at my building when I need to leave at lunch time on Wednesday. Then since it'll be the middle of the day, I'll be able to get a parking place close to my house (which is only possible in the freaking middle of the day when everyone is at work). Then I'll walk back to my building. Then when work is over I'll be able to walk back to the house, take a shower, pack the last few things and then drive my car over to my building which has a metro stop at the bottom. That way I won't have to lug my luggage 11 blocks tot he metro station. Then I'll ride the metro and the shuttle to the airport and be on my way.
Wow!!! I really, really, really think too much!!!!!! And the even worse part is... I'm on an anti-anxiety medication!!!! Can you even imagine what I would be like if I weren't taking it?!?!!? I don't even want to think about it. Actually, I think the only reason why I'm able to channel the energy into something even remotely productive (excessive planning being considered remotely productive) is because the medication takes the edge off the anxiety. I know I should be exstatic, but I'm not at the moment. I know I will as soon as I get on the plane, and of course as soon as I see him all the anxiety will just melt away, but for right now, It's killing me. I've been counting down for a long time. When we made the plans we were at 9 weeks. Every wednesday was exciting because it meant I was one week closer to seeing him. Then I started counting days, and now I'm at hours. 9 weeks is too long to be thinking about something. I think I've just had too much time to think about stuff.
So, right now I'm at 33 1/2 hours and counting. I really need that pedicure this evening!! And a glass of wine!!!! Will I be able to get at glass of wine in the Atlanta airport at 5:00am EST? :-)
bonnie
Friday, September 22, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Grocery Shopping Can Be So Fun
I had the strangest experience at the grocery store last night. I know you all are thinking, "Well, we thought she was crazy, but now we know for sure!" But hear me out!
I'm a very detail orriented person. I love lists and thinking and planning ahead. I love organization. (I guess I'm in the right profession!) So last night after working late, I realized on my walk home that I had no food in the house. I got paid on Monday and had been meaning to stop by the grocery store for days, but something had come up every night. So, last night after I got home, I grabbed my urbanite-granny-rolly-basket and walked to my local ghetto Vons. I call it that because it's really small and doesn't have a great sellection. But I love being able to walk back and forth, especially since it was after 8pm and there's no way in hell I'd have found a parking place if I'd driven anywhere (yea, I live a block from the beach and I walk to work, and it was like 80 degrees today, but it's not perfect out here. I'm sure you all feel better now.) :-)
But before I left, I pulled out a piece of paper and went through my cabinets. I knew all last week I'd go to make something and realize that I had 1 of the 2 things I needed. So, I took inventory. For instance, I had pasta but no sauce, cheese for grilled cheese but no bread... etc. So, I made a list, strapped my iPod to my arm and headed out. (Don't tell my dad or my supervisor, Janiel, that I was walking around downtown Long Beach at almost 9pm!)
I had a wonderful time. I picked out what I needed. I could choose anything I wanted. I knew exactly how much I had to spend so that I would still have money for other things. I could think through the whole week and a half until I get paid again and figure out what I could get that would be the most economical and efficient yet allow me to not feel deprived! (For instance I get these frozen dinners that don't have a single naturally occuring ingrediant in them. I think they grow them right in the boxes in the lab. But they are cheep and they don't completely suck. But I've learned that if I get a couple of different kinds and keep at least three or so in the freezer at work, I have a choice and I'm not tempted to run downstairs and spend WAY too much on an over priced sandwhich.)
So, then I wheeled them all home in my basket and drug it up three flights of stairs by myself. And put it all away while I jamed to my music (how did I live before I had an iPod?!) and it was great.
Now I know what you are all thinking now. "Wow, yea, this girl's totally nuts. That's sounds like so much work, she did it all by herself, and she's excited about it." But you just don't understand. I've always done this kind of thing myself. My ex would never contribute any effort to these types of household responsability. And if he did, he wanted me to go with him and he wanted to ask me a thousand questions. So, basically I did it even when he did it. Then he would try to get out of carrying up the groceries if at all possible, then as soon as the bags where in the kitchen floor he would walk away and start working on the computer. If I didn't put them away they would stay there for weeks or until whatever it was was needed.
So, even though I did a lot of this kind of stuff, the fact that I felt so taken advantage of ruined the whole experience. It feel so good to be in total control. To not feel resentful and really be able to enjoy living. I had been feeling that I had all the sucky parts of being married but yet all the sucky parts of being single. I had to pull the entire weight of taking care of a household as if I were single, but with the restrictions of being married as well. It feels so good to be on my own. I never thought I would feel like this, but it's amazing.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to be single my entire life. In fact I'll probably only be living by myself for the next 9 months or so, but now I know what is important to me. I know what tasks I enjoy doing, and how important it is to me to find someone who is willing to share the day to day tasks involved with living.
But as for right now...I'm enjoying going to the grocery store by myself. :-)
Bye y'all,
Bonnie
I'm a very detail orriented person. I love lists and thinking and planning ahead. I love organization. (I guess I'm in the right profession!) So last night after working late, I realized on my walk home that I had no food in the house. I got paid on Monday and had been meaning to stop by the grocery store for days, but something had come up every night. So, last night after I got home, I grabbed my urbanite-granny-rolly-basket and walked to my local ghetto Vons. I call it that because it's really small and doesn't have a great sellection. But I love being able to walk back and forth, especially since it was after 8pm and there's no way in hell I'd have found a parking place if I'd driven anywhere (yea, I live a block from the beach and I walk to work, and it was like 80 degrees today, but it's not perfect out here. I'm sure you all feel better now.) :-)
But before I left, I pulled out a piece of paper and went through my cabinets. I knew all last week I'd go to make something and realize that I had 1 of the 2 things I needed. So, I took inventory. For instance, I had pasta but no sauce, cheese for grilled cheese but no bread... etc. So, I made a list, strapped my iPod to my arm and headed out. (Don't tell my dad or my supervisor, Janiel, that I was walking around downtown Long Beach at almost 9pm!)
I had a wonderful time. I picked out what I needed. I could choose anything I wanted. I knew exactly how much I had to spend so that I would still have money for other things. I could think through the whole week and a half until I get paid again and figure out what I could get that would be the most economical and efficient yet allow me to not feel deprived! (For instance I get these frozen dinners that don't have a single naturally occuring ingrediant in them. I think they grow them right in the boxes in the lab. But they are cheep and they don't completely suck. But I've learned that if I get a couple of different kinds and keep at least three or so in the freezer at work, I have a choice and I'm not tempted to run downstairs and spend WAY too much on an over priced sandwhich.)
So, then I wheeled them all home in my basket and drug it up three flights of stairs by myself. And put it all away while I jamed to my music (how did I live before I had an iPod?!) and it was great.
Now I know what you are all thinking now. "Wow, yea, this girl's totally nuts. That's sounds like so much work, she did it all by herself, and she's excited about it." But you just don't understand. I've always done this kind of thing myself. My ex would never contribute any effort to these types of household responsability. And if he did, he wanted me to go with him and he wanted to ask me a thousand questions. So, basically I did it even when he did it. Then he would try to get out of carrying up the groceries if at all possible, then as soon as the bags where in the kitchen floor he would walk away and start working on the computer. If I didn't put them away they would stay there for weeks or until whatever it was was needed.
So, even though I did a lot of this kind of stuff, the fact that I felt so taken advantage of ruined the whole experience. It feel so good to be in total control. To not feel resentful and really be able to enjoy living. I had been feeling that I had all the sucky parts of being married but yet all the sucky parts of being single. I had to pull the entire weight of taking care of a household as if I were single, but with the restrictions of being married as well. It feels so good to be on my own. I never thought I would feel like this, but it's amazing.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to be single my entire life. In fact I'll probably only be living by myself for the next 9 months or so, but now I know what is important to me. I know what tasks I enjoy doing, and how important it is to me to find someone who is willing to share the day to day tasks involved with living.
But as for right now...I'm enjoying going to the grocery store by myself. :-)
Bye y'all,
Bonnie
Monday, July 24, 2006
I'll admit it, I'm officially a myspace addict!
So, I'll admit it... I'm now officially a myspace addict. I didn't know what to do with myself for the last couple of days while the myspace network was up and down. I guess it helps me feel connected to the outside world now that I'm on my own.
Not to mention it was FREAKING hot here this weekend. I saw something about 97, which for my area is unbelievably hot. And the humidity was up too. Now I know all you North Carolinians are calling us Southern Californians wusses since that's what you guys deal with from about the first of May until the end of September, but you all have A/C. "What," you ask, "Y'all don't have air conditioning?" Nope we sure don't. Usually we don't need it. It's usually somewhere around the low to mid 70's with a light breeze especiallysince I live a block from the beach, I have to get that in as oftin as I can ;-). If it gets up into the 80's eveyone starts bitching. I have a ceiling fan and was planning on getting a window fan too. Thursday I decided I'd held off long enough and since I was getting paid on Friday I could swing it. Well, aparently I wasn't the only one with this bright idea. I had to go to Lowes, Target and finally Walmart (yuck!) before I even found a fan I could put in my window (it's not even one of the cool window fans). It made a world of difference, but Sunday especially there was only so much it could do. So what did I do? Just what every other red blooded american woman would have done... called it an excelent excuse to go to the mall!!!!!!! Now, I'll give all you guys fair warning: I'm going to be a total girl for the next little bit. Feel free to tune out or stop reading. ;-)
So, Ihave plansto meet a very old friend in about 4 weeks. And I need to look stunning when I get off that plane!! (Thisis thelove-of-my-life-guy from the last blog post!)So, I had planned to go shopping for some new things for my trip with a girlfriend of mine about the middle of August. Well, I started getting nervous about finding something because by then the stores are going to start putting out all their winter stuff and I want a pretty summery sun dress. Not to mention, if you go looking for something in particular, you can never find it and by then it'll be too late and I'll end up buying something I don't really like and I REALLY need to feel confident. (Yes! I'm aware of the fact that I worry too much. You don't have to draw it to my attention).So, I decided I'd go looking around knowing I had X amount of dollars to spend for my trip. I expected to find absolutely nothing, cause that's always my luck. But low and behold, I found the PERFECT dress. (I've attached a pic from my phone. What did we do before we had camera phones?) It makes me feel so pretty and I can't wait to wear it. And it was even less than I was expecting to spend since I got it at one of those Forever-21-type stores, which was also cool because that just shows how much weight I've lost in the past few months (I'd been told this divorce diet works wonders!).
So, anyway, I guess that's the highlights of my weekend! Oh and Charter came to hook up my internet on Saturday, so I'm all up and running. If you haven't seen me on AIM in the evenings for the last few weeks that's why.Idid go to atotally cool burlesque show on Friday at theQueen Mary with the girls. I'll have to blog about that too soon.
Talk to y'all later!!!
bon
Not to mention it was FREAKING hot here this weekend. I saw something about 97, which for my area is unbelievably hot. And the humidity was up too. Now I know all you North Carolinians are calling us Southern Californians wusses since that's what you guys deal with from about the first of May until the end of September, but you all have A/C. "What," you ask, "Y'all don't have air conditioning?" Nope we sure don't. Usually we don't need it. It's usually somewhere around the low to mid 70's with a light breeze especiallysince I live a block from the beach, I have to get that in as oftin as I can ;-). If it gets up into the 80's eveyone starts bitching. I have a ceiling fan and was planning on getting a window fan too. Thursday I decided I'd held off long enough and since I was getting paid on Friday I could swing it. Well, aparently I wasn't the only one with this bright idea. I had to go to Lowes, Target and finally Walmart (yuck!) before I even found a fan I could put in my window (it's not even one of the cool window fans). It made a world of difference, but Sunday especially there was only so much it could do. So what did I do? Just what every other red blooded american woman would have done... called it an excelent excuse to go to the mall!!!!!!! Now, I'll give all you guys fair warning: I'm going to be a total girl for the next little bit. Feel free to tune out or stop reading. ;-)
So, Ihave plansto meet a very old friend in about 4 weeks. And I need to look stunning when I get off that plane!! (Thisis thelove-of-my-life-guy from the last blog post!)So, I had planned to go shopping for some new things for my trip with a girlfriend of mine about the middle of August. Well, I started getting nervous about finding something because by then the stores are going to start putting out all their winter stuff and I want a pretty summery sun dress. Not to mention, if you go looking for something in particular, you can never find it and by then it'll be too late and I'll end up buying something I don't really like and I REALLY need to feel confident. (Yes! I'm aware of the fact that I worry too much. You don't have to draw it to my attention).So, I decided I'd go looking around knowing I had X amount of dollars to spend for my trip. I expected to find absolutely nothing, cause that's always my luck. But low and behold, I found the PERFECT dress. (I've attached a pic from my phone. What did we do before we had camera phones?) It makes me feel so pretty and I can't wait to wear it. And it was even less than I was expecting to spend since I got it at one of those Forever-21-type stores, which was also cool because that just shows how much weight I've lost in the past few months (I'd been told this divorce diet works wonders!).
So, anyway, I guess that's the highlights of my weekend! Oh and Charter came to hook up my internet on Saturday, so I'm all up and running. If you haven't seen me on AIM in the evenings for the last few weeks that's why.Idid go to atotally cool burlesque show on Friday at theQueen Mary with the girls. I'll have to blog about that too soon.
Talk to y'all later!!!
bon
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Just when I thought the universe hated me for sure...
For many years, I've been convienced that the universe hated me. I was never sure what I did to piss it off, but it must have been bad. I figured if Karma was real, I was sure I must havekilled someone really important in my last lifetime.
It just seemed like no matter what I did, nothing ever seemed to work very well. My family was tough to grow up in (not as tough as some, though, and I'm very thankful for that). But because my parents were so controling it took me a really long time to learn how to make decisions on my own let alone good ones. I danced with a Christian dance company in FL for a couple of years all together. That was tough, and the dependency based brand of Christianity taught coupled with the stresses ofworking witha semi-professinal dance troup lead to two MAJOR life crisises for me. One of which lead to my current state of agnostisism. (I know I just made that word up! But oh well.)
The second time I came home from FL, I did not have a choice. I was forced to come home because of "aweful" decisions I was making (this aweful stuff involved a few drinks and hanging out with people my parents didn't know and I realize now were actually pretty good decision for the place I was at in my life). I was 20 1/2 years old and my dad's exact words were, "You can either pack upyour car and drive yourself home of your own free will, or I'll come down there and drag you ass homekicking and screaming." I chose the first option. But I was so adrift. My parents got me into see a couselor once I got home but, due to my insane need for approval (hense the driving back of my own free will and not telling my dad to stick it), I didn't really tell her anything real about me. I just told her what I thought she wanted to hear and what would make her like me (since she was a Christian couselor it was a lot of religious stuff).
A few months later I transfered to the Univ. of North Carolina at Charlotte and moved into the on campus apartments. My parents would still call me and expect to get an answer. If they didn't hear from me over night they would freak. That was the point that I finally started making decisions on my own. Unfortunately, there were a lot of bad ones, including totally screwing over awonderful friend who loved me very much. (approximately aweful decision number 57, if anyone is counting and one I'll get back around to this in a little bit).Very soon after the semester started I ran into an old acquaintance. He was going through a divorce (at 21) and I was going through hell. We fell right in together and I made him think I was the perfect woman for him (this was approximately bad decision number 457 if anyone is counting). The problem was I was the oposite of what he really needed and the more I became the person I really was, the more we didn't fit. But unfortunately, we plugged along, getting married a year and a half after we got together.
We moved in with his grandmother and then his momin Asheville right after I graduated (so we could try and get on our feet on the ground financially). (We're probably upto about 1,857 by now.) That was a hugedisaster and litterly the WORST decision of my life. We all ended up hating each other before he and I finally got an apartment.But, we plugged along in Asheville, with jobs that didn't work, in a relationship that didn't work for a year and a half. Then we moved to California.
And in the grand scheme of things, that was probably one of the first REALLY good decisions I ever made. (At 25 it was about time). Moving out here allowed me to become the person I was meant to be, with out worrying about his family or my family or anyone else. The only problem was, the more I became comfortable with who I am, the more obvious it became that we didn't work. We plugged along for about 6 more months or so, until I finally said enough. At which pointI made whatI feel to be the second REALLY good decision I ever made...I decided to move out on my own.
So, know that I've looked at things again, I've realized that my difficulties in lifehad siginificantly less to do with the universe hating me than with me making bad decisions. Not to mention, I've begun to think in the last few months that infact the universe does like me. Because it has crossed my path with the path of my soul mate. And the fact that we only crossed now (at 26years old)isn't the fault of the universe but of my own. Remember the aweful decision number 57. That was him, an absolutely wonderful friend (the best anyone could have ever asked for) who came into my life at 17 years old, but due to my inability to know who I was and what I wanted/needed, I passed him over, and unfortunately for him I didn't do it in a very compassionate way. (Sometimes, I'm not sure the universe likes himall thatmuch!) He has been the most amazing thing to ever happen to me in my entire life. I've never felt so loved, so beautiful, so cared for, and so empowered in my life. He is absolutely amazing. I've never met someone who cares so much for other people and wants to do everything he can to help the people in his life.
I truly feel that the decision to be with him and to try to take care of him as much as he takes care of otherswill end up being the absolute BEST decision I've ever made in my life.
Thanks all for reading my blog. This one ended up being a LOT longer than I expected. Oh well, I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought.
Have a great night everyone,
Bonnie
p.s. the only small kink in this fairy tale of astory is that after I broke his heart, he joined the Navy and is stationed in Norfolk, VA (3,000 miles away from me) until January of '08. Maybe I did kill someone really important in my last lifetime after all. :-)
It just seemed like no matter what I did, nothing ever seemed to work very well. My family was tough to grow up in (not as tough as some, though, and I'm very thankful for that). But because my parents were so controling it took me a really long time to learn how to make decisions on my own let alone good ones. I danced with a Christian dance company in FL for a couple of years all together. That was tough, and the dependency based brand of Christianity taught coupled with the stresses ofworking witha semi-professinal dance troup lead to two MAJOR life crisises for me. One of which lead to my current state of agnostisism. (I know I just made that word up! But oh well.)
The second time I came home from FL, I did not have a choice. I was forced to come home because of "aweful" decisions I was making (this aweful stuff involved a few drinks and hanging out with people my parents didn't know and I realize now were actually pretty good decision for the place I was at in my life). I was 20 1/2 years old and my dad's exact words were, "You can either pack upyour car and drive yourself home of your own free will, or I'll come down there and drag you ass homekicking and screaming." I chose the first option. But I was so adrift. My parents got me into see a couselor once I got home but, due to my insane need for approval (hense the driving back of my own free will and not telling my dad to stick it), I didn't really tell her anything real about me. I just told her what I thought she wanted to hear and what would make her like me (since she was a Christian couselor it was a lot of religious stuff).
A few months later I transfered to the Univ. of North Carolina at Charlotte and moved into the on campus apartments. My parents would still call me and expect to get an answer. If they didn't hear from me over night they would freak. That was the point that I finally started making decisions on my own. Unfortunately, there were a lot of bad ones, including totally screwing over awonderful friend who loved me very much. (approximately aweful decision number 57, if anyone is counting and one I'll get back around to this in a little bit).Very soon after the semester started I ran into an old acquaintance. He was going through a divorce (at 21) and I was going through hell. We fell right in together and I made him think I was the perfect woman for him (this was approximately bad decision number 457 if anyone is counting). The problem was I was the oposite of what he really needed and the more I became the person I really was, the more we didn't fit. But unfortunately, we plugged along, getting married a year and a half after we got together.
We moved in with his grandmother and then his momin Asheville right after I graduated (so we could try and get on our feet on the ground financially). (We're probably upto about 1,857 by now.) That was a hugedisaster and litterly the WORST decision of my life. We all ended up hating each other before he and I finally got an apartment.But, we plugged along in Asheville, with jobs that didn't work, in a relationship that didn't work for a year and a half. Then we moved to California.
And in the grand scheme of things, that was probably one of the first REALLY good decisions I ever made. (At 25 it was about time). Moving out here allowed me to become the person I was meant to be, with out worrying about his family or my family or anyone else. The only problem was, the more I became comfortable with who I am, the more obvious it became that we didn't work. We plugged along for about 6 more months or so, until I finally said enough. At which pointI made whatI feel to be the second REALLY good decision I ever made...I decided to move out on my own.
So, know that I've looked at things again, I've realized that my difficulties in lifehad siginificantly less to do with the universe hating me than with me making bad decisions. Not to mention, I've begun to think in the last few months that infact the universe does like me. Because it has crossed my path with the path of my soul mate. And the fact that we only crossed now (at 26years old)isn't the fault of the universe but of my own. Remember the aweful decision number 57. That was him, an absolutely wonderful friend (the best anyone could have ever asked for) who came into my life at 17 years old, but due to my inability to know who I was and what I wanted/needed, I passed him over, and unfortunately for him I didn't do it in a very compassionate way. (Sometimes, I'm not sure the universe likes himall thatmuch!) He has been the most amazing thing to ever happen to me in my entire life. I've never felt so loved, so beautiful, so cared for, and so empowered in my life. He is absolutely amazing. I've never met someone who cares so much for other people and wants to do everything he can to help the people in his life.
I truly feel that the decision to be with him and to try to take care of him as much as he takes care of otherswill end up being the absolute BEST decision I've ever made in my life.
Thanks all for reading my blog. This one ended up being a LOT longer than I expected. Oh well, I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought.
Have a great night everyone,
Bonnie
p.s. the only small kink in this fairy tale of astory is that after I broke his heart, he joined the Navy and is stationed in Norfolk, VA (3,000 miles away from me) until January of '08. Maybe I did kill someone really important in my last lifetime after all. :-)
Sunday, January 1, 2006
I Got My Tattoo
Some of you know this already, but for the benefit of those who don't, I've been wanting to get a tattoo for about a year now. I never wanted one when I was younger because, well... a) I have a HUGE needle phobia and b) I didn't just want a star on my anckle or a butterfly on my hip. Like most of my jewlery and everything in my house I like things that are meaningful to me. So about this time last year I realized that there is one image that I've been gravitating towards for a while. It's of the spiral goddess. She has large hips and a spiral over her womb. It symbolizes new beginnings as well as the life force coming from the womb of the women. It's found in Neolithic and Paleolithic societies and in societies where this or similar images are found, there tends to be evadence of more gender equality. It's only when the dieties become male that gender inequality begins to be seen.
So, now that you have a little background on the symbol. I wanted to get it last year before I went to my (now ex) sister-in-law's wedding. Mainly the motivation would have been to piss off my in-laws. You know the black sheep daughter in law coming to the big christian social event of the century with a huge pagan symbol tattooed on her back. Well, due to a few circumstances I wasn't able to get it then, and I'm so glad I didn't. That was a very bad time in my life and the last thing I would have wanted to do was memorialize it. I've been thinking about it ever since though.
So a few weeks ago, I looked around and realized that THIS is the perfect time to get it. I actually have a wedding to go to back in Charlotte the same weekend as the dissasteress in law wedding last year. I decided I wanted to get my tattoo in time for it so that my parents would have a chance to see it while I was home (and I needed a deadline or I would just put it off and put it off). Then the more I thought about it the more revelations I started getting.
First of all, this is the most important "New Beginning" of my life. I've ended an unhealthy marriage, moved out on my own, reunited with my soulmate, lost 30 lbs, and am truly happy for the first time in my life.
Second, I've truly come to realize that the life force of the universe flows though me, and that I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. Even though I love Jeremy more than anything in the world, I've realized that I can take care of myself. I don't NEED anyone to take care of me. I really feel that this will make me an even better partner to him.
It is unbelievable how different my life is now than it was this time last year. I probably wouldn't have believed you if you had told me this would all happen in the next year. But I am so grateful. It's not been easy, though. Just like getting my tattoo. It's been very hard, very scary and painful at times. But through all the pain, discomfort and fear I feel I've emerged with something more beautiful, more graceful, more grateful and more compassionate than I could have ever imagined... a beautiful tattoo as well as a beautiful life.
So, memorializing this time in my life with a tattoo just seemed obvious. These photos were taken during and right afterwards with my camera phone. I'm hoping to take a few more shots tonight or this weekend, and I'll post some here. The guy who tattooed me was amazing. I HIGHLY recommend him. He's very compassionate and has a wonderfully light touch. His myspace site is...
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=6042077
Everyone told me that I would become addicted. I always thought, "Not me..." but I think I may have been wrong. Now I'm trying to figure out what I want to add onto it.
bye,
bonnie
So, now that you have a little background on the symbol. I wanted to get it last year before I went to my (now ex) sister-in-law's wedding. Mainly the motivation would have been to piss off my in-laws. You know the black sheep daughter in law coming to the big christian social event of the century with a huge pagan symbol tattooed on her back. Well, due to a few circumstances I wasn't able to get it then, and I'm so glad I didn't. That was a very bad time in my life and the last thing I would have wanted to do was memorialize it. I've been thinking about it ever since though.
So a few weeks ago, I looked around and realized that THIS is the perfect time to get it. I actually have a wedding to go to back in Charlotte the same weekend as the dissasteress in law wedding last year. I decided I wanted to get my tattoo in time for it so that my parents would have a chance to see it while I was home (and I needed a deadline or I would just put it off and put it off). Then the more I thought about it the more revelations I started getting.
First of all, this is the most important "New Beginning" of my life. I've ended an unhealthy marriage, moved out on my own, reunited with my soulmate, lost 30 lbs, and am truly happy for the first time in my life.
Second, I've truly come to realize that the life force of the universe flows though me, and that I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. Even though I love Jeremy more than anything in the world, I've realized that I can take care of myself. I don't NEED anyone to take care of me. I really feel that this will make me an even better partner to him.
It is unbelievable how different my life is now than it was this time last year. I probably wouldn't have believed you if you had told me this would all happen in the next year. But I am so grateful. It's not been easy, though. Just like getting my tattoo. It's been very hard, very scary and painful at times. But through all the pain, discomfort and fear I feel I've emerged with something more beautiful, more graceful, more grateful and more compassionate than I could have ever imagined... a beautiful tattoo as well as a beautiful life.
So, memorializing this time in my life with a tattoo just seemed obvious. These photos were taken during and right afterwards with my camera phone. I'm hoping to take a few more shots tonight or this weekend, and I'll post some here. The guy who tattooed me was amazing. I HIGHLY recommend him. He's very compassionate and has a wonderfully light touch. His myspace site is...
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=6042077
Everyone told me that I would become addicted. I always thought, "Not me..." but I think I may have been wrong. Now I'm trying to figure out what I want to add onto it.
bye,
bonnie
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