Riverdance Night

Jay and I saw Riverdance for the second time on Saturday. I was planning to write this long, introspective blog about how increadibly much life has changed since we saw it in 2000 and Saturday night, but that just got too long and intricate and complicated, so I've just decided to post the pictures, tell you about the night, and leave the introspection to you. :-)

So, the first time I saw Riverdance was the summer of 2000. Jay had gotten tickets from a friend and I enthusiasticly accepted his request. As a dancer, I could hardly wait. I got all dressed up and he came out and picked me up and the entire night was magical. I literally felt like a little girl on the edge of my seat holding my breath all night. I think Jay watched me more than the show. I have a tendency to get very animated when I get excited like that. :-) So, here we are in 2000 (Jay's going to kill me for putting this picture up. He hates it!)




Fast forward 9 years... through a loveless marriage and divorce, through a 6 year contract with the US Navy, through 12+ moves combined, two cross country drives, a year where we spent all of 7 days together, a Navy homecoming which is unlike anything most people will ever experience, a surprise proposal a few weeks later, a fun but stressful DIY (do-in-yourself) wedding 9 months later, and now almost a year of wedded bliss. I will admit, it's odd to be in the same apartment for more than a year. The normalcy has truthfully taken me some time to adjust to. But that's ok. If anyone knows me at all, they know that I never stay still for too long. Even if I were able to find a couple more hours in the day, I'd probably find some other charitable or political activity to fill it with.

But for one night, all that was put aside. For one night there were no emergency calls from the hosptial at 2am, there were no overwhelming work deadlines to make, no classes to teach. It was just me and the love of my life.

We got dressed up. (I bought a new dress since I've kind of grown out of all the black coctail dresses I have.) :-( I put on make up, faint and fall over!

Early in the afternoon, I asked if we could be ready in time to take some pictures before leaving. He was gracious enough to grant me my request, since he hates to have his picture taken. So, 9 years, and what feels like a lifetime later...





... here we are, attending the show the way it should have always been... married and in love!

I was so thankful to be with him. He opened my car door for me, and let me hold onto his arm while we walked through the parking lots, which was good because I've gotten very out of practice in walking in my stelettos. He told me a million times how beautiful I looked, and I told him a million times how handsome he looked. I was just so proud to be on his arm all night.

We went to Olive Garden for dinner and timed everything just right. FYI, if going to a restaurant that does not take reservations before going to a play, always get to dinner WAY earlier than you think you're going to need to. We got to dinner 2 1/2 hours before show time and it was perfect. We were able to enjoy dinner and dessert, not stress over the waiter dissapearing right when we were ready to cash out.



Oh yeah! I myspaced it right there in the restaurant! ;-) I may be all psycho b*tch about theater ettiquette but I have no shame when it comes to documenting our excursions for blogging purposes. :-)

Then we took pictures of each other to send to our parents so they could be included in our night, but I promised Jay I wouldn't post his.



And then we were able to not worried about the fact that there was a rodeo (yes, I said RODEO) going on in the arena that shares a parking lot with the auditorium. Man was that an odd crowd pairing. Huge trucks, with tight jean wearing cowboys, mixed with yuppies in suits and coctail dresses. At least it was easy to tell who was going where.

We ended up getting to will call about 20 minutes before the show started which was perfect. See, the theater is not like going to the movies. You can't just sneak in and grab an isle seat after the previews start. But don't get me started on theater ettiquette. That's an entire blog into itself which will most likely be coming soon!

The show was breathtaking! And I got a t-shirt to replace the one that I got 9 years ago and wore until the pitstains because so bad I had to give it up and reserve it as a work out shirt. :-( But now I have a new one. Expect a picture of it soon.

Once again, I sat on the edge of my seat most of the night breathless. It was wonderful! I am so glad that we got to see them since this was the finale tour. Now I just need to get the video so I can enjoy it anytime I want. Would make a great birthday or christmas gift. Hint, hint...hint, hint.

We didn't get out until after 10, which is totally late for this old married couple. I had to take my absolutely beautiful and painful shoes off in the car and just walked in to the apartment barefoot. Jay totally laughed at me.

Unlike the first time I saw Riverdance, this time I ended the night in the arms of my love, where I have always been meant to be. Thank you for a wonderful night, love. May this just be the first of the many wonderful times we have together over the years!

Nonviolence

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him. ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Becoming more politically active has forced me to really think about some of my core values. First of all, the fact that I'm even able to walk a picket line or post blogs and notes about a controversial issue is amazing in and of itself. I grew up the daughter of a very forceful father. In my house it was either my dad's way... or... my dad's way. There wasn't even a "highway" option. This caused me to be very timid, and try my best to determine where someone stood before expressing my opinion. This approach worked very well when not offending someone was my highest goal.

But now, I've realized that there are causes worth fighting for, things in this world that I find morally repugnant, and issues I cannot keep silent over. This realization brought me to a crossroads. What was I more afraid of, offending someone or living the rest of my life knowing I let injustice persist in this world and I did nothing about it? After much agonizing, the second won out.

I now have a new mission for my life. I refuse to go to my grave without changing this world for the better, or at least... die trying! I know that I am only one person, one voice, and one vote, but when joined with other like minded people (even in small groups), change can certainly be made. One of my all time favorite quotes is from Margaret Mead:

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

When Jay and I have a house, I want to put this quote on the wall above our main door with the lead in... As you leave this sanctuary, "Never doubt...” . I want myself as well as our children to always remember that it is their responsibility to make change happen and not assume others will do it for them.

Now at the same time that I've been finding my voice and the courage to raise it against what I feel to be injustice, I've also become more convinced that, although characterized as a "fight", our struggle should be waged with respect and consideration for those on the other side. Our message should focus on attacking deeds and actions not people. Come to find out, I've been preaching and practicing nonviolence all along without really knowing what it was.

I've gotten some push back from this stance from both sides of the Equal Marriage fight recently. Although most people would certainly reject the use of physical violence, they might have no problem hurling a verbal personal attack at their opponent or harboring judgment for them.

Two recent examples illustrate that this falls on both sides of the issues. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a blog about celebrating Freedom to Marry week stating my reasoning for supporting Equal Marriage. I know that I have conservative Christian friends and freely opened the comments for discussion. Well, one of my friends from “the other side” ;-) was wonderful. She posted thoughtful, respectful comments that truly came from her heart, and we were able to have a nice, pleasant, open minded discussion regarding the issue. Although neither one of us drastically changed the mind of the other, I think we both came to a deeper understanding of the reasons why the other feels the way she does. Another friend however, handled the situation in a very different way. I came away from the encounter feeling extremely attacked, judged, condemned, and offended. It was like I must be stupid if I didn’t see things her way. She probably felt that she was calling a spade a spade, and doing what she felt she needed to do, but it only pushed me farther away from her way of thinking and left me fighting to see her as anything but my adversary.

I posted another post a few days later that was really to rally the faithful to action. A friend “on my side” posted something that I knew would be offensive to my friends “on the other side”. Indeed I was right. Soon there after a friend I know to be a conservative Christian posted a comment indicating that he was very offended. In a private conversation with my first friend, I explained that his comment although rightfully his opinion (and even one that I agreed with), was hateful in spirit and did nothing to forward the cause or illicit meaning dialogue. It took a couple of emails, but I eventually made a strong enough argument that my friend posted an apology for the attack on the people involved in this issue instead of attacking the issue itself. My second friend accepted the apology and there followed a meaningful dialogue.

These encounters really made me think hard about the way I treat people in a debate, and the importance of nonviolence in thought as well as in deed. I must fight the instinct to see those who do not agree with me as my enemy, my adversary, ignorant of the “truth”. Even in this issue of Equal Marriage which I am so passionate about and feel that it is truly the denial of civil rights, I must see those on the other side of the fence as my fellow human beings, whose rights and opinions have just as much right to be heard as mine. I must approach them in a spirit of understanding instead of confrontation. It reminds me of the yoga greeting of Namaste which means, “The light in me acknowledges and honors the light in you.” Regardless of if you are my friend or not, whether we see eye to eye on an issue or not, the same light that is in me, is in you and must still be honored.

Now this doesn’t mean that I give up fighting for what I deeply feel to be right, it simply changes the way I approach people in thought, word and deed. As human beings, we tend to surround ourselves with those who think like us. And as we do this, it’s easy to see those who do not agree with us as “the enemy”. But as we create friendships with those with whom we disagree, it forces us to see their humanity.

And that is what will lead to true and lasting change!

This I Believe

NPR has this series called This I Believe where people write essays about things that are essential to their belief system. Some contributers are celebrities, others are lesser known. One recently was about a military memeber who believed in the power of teddy bears after seeing the way the kids reacted to them in Afganistan. So, I decided that it was time I write my own.

As controversial as this next statement is going to be... at the core of my being, I do NOT believe that things happen for a reason. I just can't. From babies with cancer to fire distroying people's homes, I cannot bring myself to think that everything happens for a reason.

I know that many find comfort in this belief, and I would never want to take that away from them, but for me it causes more fustration than comfort. In order for things to happen for a reason, there must be some higher being that brings cancer into the lives of innocent children so that something good can happen for them or someone around them. And this is simply more than I can handle.

So, how does one deal with the inexplicable randomness that is the world, if one does not believe in an inherant reason for the things that happen? It's easy, you just let go, stop looking for the hidden meaning or lesson in everything, and start taking full responsability for your life and your actions! I know it's scary to be completely in control of your own life, but the upside is... YOU'RE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE!

I've been though some very difficult times in my life. I have survived scars from my childhood that haunt me to this day. I survived my mom and I having to involuntarily commit my oldest brother to the hospital after a suicide attempt a WEEK before my wedding. I survived single handedly put myself through school... going to school full time and working full time which just about put me under financially. I survived a loveless, onesided, draining marriage for 4 years before deciding I had had enough. Then I survived a divorce and learned to live on my own for the first time in my life, all while 3,000 miles away from my family and with only a handful of friends near by. I survived a year long separation from the love of my life, including an 8 month Navy deployment with limited communication beyond emails.

But the key word there is, s-u-r-v-i-v-e-d! I survived it all! And not because some higher power or external being gave me the strength to do it, but because I learned to put my big girl panties on and deal with each situation as it came my way. Through it all, I learned that I am significantly stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, and that the blood of my tenacious grandmother flows through my veins. I learned that although setbacks happen, failure is not an option.

Do I envy those who have a belief in an almost superhero type devine being? Yes, sometimes. I envy a belief in a being who swoops down in times of need to pick one up or give one strength, a belief in a being who controls those things around you such that you never encounter anything that you are not given the strength to over come. But in my tough times, that being has been no were to be found. I've spent more than one occasion sobbing uncontrolably, contemplating ending it all, wondering why, after following so faithfully, I had been forsaken. Then I came to the realization, that things do NOT happen for a reason. Dropping my nose ring down the sink isn't an act by a higher power to show me something, in fact it was probably caused by my dumb butt thinking that I could take it out over the sink without dropping it. Figuring out how to unscrew the sink drain on my own wasn't a flash of devine inspiration, it was my own ingenuity and probably a combination of the thousands of home improvment shows I was forced to watch growing up.

So, bottom line, I believe that things happen at random. Myself and the support system I put in place are the only things I can depend on in tough times. As scary as that is, it's also freeing. And if nothing else, I can tell you that it has made me damn proud of my accomplishments!

So, what do you believe? Feel free to write your own "This I Believe" blog and post a link in the comments so that we can all read it. And if you'd like to hear some of the official This I Believe essays, they can be found here.

Happy snowy Monday to you all!

bonnie

North Carolina Legislators Attempting to Pass Anti-Gay Bill

Monday, State Senator Jim Forrester, along with 21 co-sponsers (including mine from Mecklenburg County), introduced The Defense of Marriage - Senate 272, a bill to add this sentence to the state constitution: "Marriage between a man and a woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this State."

I urge everyone who opposes this, to contact their NC State Senator and Representative. (Instructions for identifying your representatives are at the bottom of this post).

With the budget shortfalls that the state is facing, the talk of increasing class sizes in the schools, and everything else going on, the fact that Sen. Forrester is pushing to have this on the Nov. 2009 ballot is simply unfathomable to me!

In a statement on Monday, Tami Fitzgerald, executive director of NC4Marriage (an organization started simply to fight for the passage of this ammendment) made this statement:

“Today is an exciting day for the citizens of North Carolina. Legislators are taking a stand for marriage and for the right of North Carolina citizens to be afforded the same opportunity as voters in 30 other states to vote on whether to include the definition of marriage as the union of one man and one union in our State Constitution.”

First of all, how is this a stand for marriage? Is this going to do anything to improve North Carolina's divorce rate of 3.8 per 1,000 persons (source: U.S. Census Bureau, Statistical Abstract of the United States: 2008)? Does this do anything to protect the thousands of women and children abused in heterosexual marriages across our state (total of 44,086 females and 6,640 male victims in 2004 according to the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence)? Will this do anything to protect the thousands of children who are abused every year by their heterosexual parents (24,597 in 2006 according to NC DSS)?

The bottom line is it does nothing to truly defend marriage! What it does do though, is deny US Citizens their constitutional right to the persuit of happiness! This country is founded on a separation of church and state and the 14th Amendment strickly prohibits the making of any laws "respecting an establishment of religion" which, in my not so humble opinion, this is. This bill would hold all NC residents to a law estabilished by the Bible, thereby holding all NC residents to a biblical standard regardless of their religious beliefs. I by no means believe that the Federal or State government should require churches to perform or sanction same-sex marriage. But a resident of NC and a citizen of the US should be able to go to their local Registrar of Deeds and be issued a CIVIL MARRIAGE LISENCE regardless of their sexual orientation.

Secondly, if school integration or inter-racial marriage had been put on a ballot to be voted on by the general electorate, then I'm sure they would have been banned as well. Sometimes the majority is not the best group of people to decide what the rights of the minority should be. One of my favorite quotes says:

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority. Ralph W. Sockman

So, please contact your legistators!

First identify your NINE digit zip code via:

http://zip4.usps.com/zip4/welcome.jsp

Then put that into this website:

http://www.ncga.state.nc.us/GIS/RandR07/Representation.html#byZIP

Then let your legislators know how you feel about this issue! Trust me, my Senator who co-signed the bill, got an ear full from me this mornig! Let's show California how it's done!!!! ;-)

Bonnie

Archiving Blogs

Hey you guys.

My myspace account is totally wigging out! I don't know what's happened to it, but I've decided that since the only thing on it that I'm really worried about losing is the blogging I've done over the last 3 years or so that the simple solution to that would be to archive them here. So, if you start seeing new post pop up on your readers or RSS feeds that seem like they are old, don't worry. You have not been sucked into a Startrek like time warp. It's just me trying to shore up the safety of my writing. Also, feel free to take a browse through the archives in the next few days and check out some of my older stuff. It's amazing how far a girl can come in just a few years.

Peace,
bonnie

The Protest

I would like to introduce you to the face of the Radical Gay Movement.



No really. This little one was there with her dad and was the life of the party. I can only image the stories she will be able to tell when she grows up. Her dad said that by the time she grows up he hopes that she'll be appalled at the way the LGBTQ community was treated.

Ok, to start at the beginning.

This weekend there was a Focus on the Family conference called Love Won Out. This conference promotes the "negative" effects of homosexuality and "helps" those who want to "change" their sexual orientation using what they call Reparative Therapy. If you know me at all you know that I find this to be highly offensive. I believe that any negative effects of homosexuality has to do with the rejection of it in general society, and these type of organizations only promote that rejection.
Not to mention the American Psychology Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Association of Social Workers, the American Medical Association, and all other major mental and medical health professional associations have declared homosexuality to NOT be a mental disorder of any kind.


If a fully informed adult decides that they are not happy with their sexual orientation and they find their faith to be helpful then I say, more power too you, but so many of the participants at these conferences are children drug there by their parents who want to "cure" their sexual orientation. I have a friend who went through one of these ex-gay therapies in college. Not only did he emerge still gay, but he lost his faith in the process, a faith that was very important to him.

So, CRANE, the Charlotte Rainbow Area Network for Equality, an organization recently formed to promote equality in the Charlotte area organized a protest of the conference with Wayne Besen of Truth Wons Out. We had a nice turn out.




We had one true counter protester. He had a huge sign that had a LONG passage from Revelations that said something about "whoremongers" being thrown in the "lake of fire". At the beginning the hire security from Central Church (yes they had hired security for the conference) came and made him move further down from us. He kept making his way through our group though. But I didn't mind that much because his sign had too many words on it to be read by anyone driving down the street and therefore he was just going to be assumed to be with us. :-) You can see him at the very end of the line in this picture.



We had a few others who wandered through the crowed and tried to stir things up. Thankfully, they were met by people in our group who could take them on. I had a really nice girl try to talk with me, but at that point I wasn't sure if we were really trying to have a silent protest or not. So, I humored her for a few minutes and then excused myself to see my friend. I really wasn't the right person to talk with anyway, being NOT a christian and NOT gay. :-)

Here is one of the anti-gay guys talking with Wayne. I think they talked for about an hour and then Wayne passed him off to Wade who could easily take him on scripture by scripture.




Other than those couple who very argumentative and borderline hateful (and the one guy who flipped us all off when he drive by), everyone was very pleasant on both sides. Some people came by from inside they conference and there was some very honest, yet respectful exchange of ideas.

Here is Patrick having an unexpectantly pleasant discussion with a gentleman.



By the way his sign says, "God Loves Me (even though I'm a lawyer)" Hehehe!

It wasn't the only great sign, though. There were many! I used my amazing Cricut machine to make mine, but amazingly got no pictures of it. Hopefully some fellow protesters will post some and I'll be able to steal one.







The two men holding the "stop signs" in the foreground have been together for 20 years! I know a significant amount of heterosexual couples who cannot say that! They were so nice to me, and we had such a wonderful conversation.

I can tell you that it is interesting to be on the other side of the sexual orientation bias. In the general population, one is assumed straight until told otherwise, but at these protests, you're assumed homosexual until told otherwise. I use to feel like I needed to tell people so they wouldn't think I was trying to be something I'm not, but then I realized that it really shouldn't matter because we are fighting for the same thing. Not to mention, being married it doesn't matter one way or the other because I've already found the most amazing person in the entire world that I look forward to spending every day of the rest of my life with!

There were also a couple of gay affirming church leaders there. One from Charlotte and one from Concord. That was so encouraging to see!





So, it was a great protest. I really enjoyed raising my voice for a cause I feel very strongly about, and I met some awesome people who I hope I can continue to fight side by side with toward realizing equal rights in America, so that the young one at the protest will be amazing by how much things have changed in her lifetime!

Freedom to Marry Week

I've been working on this post for almost a week! Unfortunately, I'm a little late getting it posted for Freedom to Marry Week, but I think think it's important to get this information out there and to start discussions.

This week, Feb 8-14, is Freedom to Marry Week and is intended to generate discussion and understanding of the issues surrounding equal marriage.

This is a very important issue to me, not because I'm lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or queer (LGBTQ) myself or even because I have someone very close to me who is, but because I feel that this is the civil rights cause of our generation. I truly wish that I had been around during the 50's and 60's and could have participated in the freedom rides and the marches. I would so like to think that I would have been courageous enough to stare down the water hoses and the tear gas in an effort to win my fellow humans their equal rights. I so admire the amazing people who put their lives on the line to fight for what is right. Dr. King is one of my heros. I only wish that I could be as charismatic and courageous as he. But one of the things that I always note in the pictures from that time is the small number of caucasion folks in the mix. I truly admire these people as well, because they were not going to benefit from the changes in policy or society. They would in fact be giving something up... giving up some of the power and privileged that they benefited from, justly or not. So why did they do it? They did it because it was the right thing to do! Because as the saying goes, "No one is free, when others are oppressed!"

So, to begin the discussion, I will layout some of the reasons why I believe that marriage should be an equal establishment under federal law regardless of the sex of the applicants.

Number One:

I am a huge advocate of the separate of church and state, and although the exact phase is not in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights, the concept is a corner stone on which our nation was built. The founding fathers had fled persecution, and did not want to allow it to fester in their new state.

The First Amendment reads: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." This can be interpreted different ways. Some would say that this statement keeps the state out of the church but not the church out of the state. Some say that our country was founded on "the freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion". But in my opinion, one without the other nullifies the whole concept. Freedom of religion must include the freedom to practice no religion or it is meaningless.

In the Treaty of Tripoli ratified in 1797 (just 21 years after the signing of the constitution) the United States Senate says:

As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries. source

*emphasis added.

If that's not a declaration of governmental religious tolerance, I have no idea what is!

In an entry in Madison's papers from August 15, 1789, he says, "“Mr. Madison said he apprehended the meaning of the words [of the First Amendment] to be, that Congress should not establish a religion, and enforce the legal observation of it by law, nor compel men to worship God in any manner contrary to their conscience....” source

For me the key here is the "Congress shall not... enforce the legal observation of [religion] by law" part. This says to me that I as an agnostic should not be mandated by law to observe the rules of the Bible or the Koran or the Torah. The Law of the Land, the law that governs everyone should be based on a logical, scientific (if possible), objective look at what is best for society. Now if a law happens to be both objectively good for society and in line with a particular religion, then even the better. For instance, murder is illegal according to our civil laws. The reason why it is illegal is because of the impact that unpunished killing has on a society (just look at the horror and devastation when a genocide is sanctioned by a government like in Hollucost Germany or in Bosnia, or when there is a weak government like the Darfur region of Sudan) not because the Judeo-Christian Bible says "Do Not Kill."

Now this does not mean that religious people are required to leave their religion at the door of the public debate. But as then Senator Obama put it, when discussing faith in a pluralistic society, "religious people need to translate their concerns into universal, rather than religion-specific, values". source

Number 2:

From what I have heard of the debate, the biggest points have to do solely with a religious opposition to homosexuality. What I hear the most is, "Well the Bible says ...". Well, we've just established that when it comes to the federal government and the laws of the land, that there must be some more universal and not "religion-specific" reason for denying rights to US Citizens. Now, the opinion that homosexuality is wrong should be tolerated just as all other opinions, and just as the First Amendment dictates, the government would never require a particular church or religious organization to acknowledge the marriage of a homosexual couple, just as the Catholic church does not recognize the unions of those married outside the Catholic church, similarly with the Mormons. I'm sure most church would not recognize my marriage because it was not performed in the name of god. But society at large should not have to be held to a strictly religious standard. Since, Christianity is the dominate region in the US, I suspect that it is easier for a majority of people to accept laws based on the Bible because it is something they have at the least grown up around. I wonder how the population in general would feel if the standard stopped being the Bible and started being the Koran. I can only imagine the uproar when headscarves are required! It's funny, how violation of church and state is perfectly fine as long as it's your church.

So, is there any non-religious-specific reasons to deny marriage rights and adoption rights to the LGBTQ community. For a look at this, we'll turn to the American Psychological Association's website. In an article titled Lesbian and Gay Parenting, by Charlotte J. Patterson, Ph.D, the APA's opinion on this subject is laid out.

"Certainly, research has found no reasons to believe lesbian mothers or gay fathers to be unfit parents (Armesto, 2002; Barret & Robinson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jacobsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Weston, 1991). On the contrary, results of research suggest that lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive home environments for children." source

Similarly, in their Resolution on Sexual Orientation and Marriage they quote:

"Anthropological research on households, kinships relationships, and families, across cultures and through time, provide[s] no support whatsoever for the view that either civilization or viable social orders depend upon marriage as an exclusively heterosexual institution" (American Anthropological Association, 2004)"

Additionally they state that, "Psychological research on relationships and couples provides no evidence to justify discrimination against same-sex couples (Kurdek, 2001, in press; Peplau & Beals, 2004; Peplau & Spalding, 2000).

And finally, "Therefore be it resolved that the APA believes that it is unfair and discriminatory to deny same-sex couples legal access to civil marriage and to all its attendant benefits, rights, and privileges."

source



Number 3

This is not the first debate where the Bible has been used to try and deny rights.

Religion and "natural order" were regularly used to oppose the Suffrage Movement that ultimately gained women the right to vote.

Reverend John Williams of St. Barnabas Episcopal Church of Nebraska said, "God meant for women to reign over home, and most good women reject politics because woman suffrage will destroy society." source

In a paper prepared by J. B. Sanford, Chairmen of Democratic Caucus entitled Against Women's Suffrage, 1911, Mr. Sanford states that:

"The mothers of this country can shape the destinies of the nation by keeping in their places and attending to those duties that God Almighty intended for them." source

One Anti-Suffrage activist is reported as saying:

"The most convincing reason I have heard given was the one offered by Miss Pearson 'We want the ballot, and we want it when we want it.' That is the old story-of woman-Eve she got it and we've had trouble ever since." source

The same is seen during the fight for Inter-racial Marriage Rights:

The ground breaking case in the fight was Loving vs. Virginia, a court case in which a White man and a Black woman married in the District of Columbia where it was legal. They then moved back to Virginia to live, where inter-racial marriage was illegal. They were charged with violating the ban on inter-racial marriage. When suspending their sentence of one year in jail on the condition that they would leave Virgina and not come back, the trial judge said:

"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix." source

The Lovings eventually took their case to the US Supreme Court where the Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to deny marriage rights based on race and therefore overturned all State laws to the contrary.

I truly believe that in 50 years we will look back on the opposition to Equal Marriage as just as silly and discriminatory, as the arguments presented above.

Number 4

Now I have a feeling that the same thought is flashing through the heads of all my conservative christian friends. "But women's right to vote and inter-racial marriage are not strictly prohibited in the Bible. Homosexuality is!"

Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable. Leviticus 18:22

If a man has sexual intercourse with a male as one has sexual intercourse with a woman, the two of them have committed an abomination. They must be put to death; their blood guilt is on themselves. Leviticus 20:13

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)


Ok, I can see that point. However, divorce(except under one, questionably two, circumstances), fornication, and adultery are also prohibited.

I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel. Malachi 2:16a

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5:3

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. Matthew 19:9

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." (1 Corinthians 7:1-2, KJV)

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.(1 Corinthians 7:8-9)

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4)

Thou shalt not commit adultery Exodus 20:14

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)


And here is that 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 passage again. But notice this time that homosexuals are not the only ones that god says will not inherit the kingdom, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, nor slanderers. Which of us has not stolen a pen or stapler from our office, who has not been guilty of being greedy, I hardly know a single person who hasn't been drunk at least one good time, and I don't think any of us can claim to have never gossiped.

First of all we've already established that the bible is a wonderful moral compass for individuals who choose to see it that way, but it is not an adequate compass by which to set civil law. Secondly... here's my question... Why this issue? Why Equal Marriage. Why not take up a campaign to abolish the no-fault divorce laws, or strengthen and encourage the prosecution of adultery or ban marriage for couples who have lived together prior to marriage? I have my theories, but I'll let you draw your own.

I'll leave you with a couple of great quotes:

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority. Ralph W. Sockman

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. Friedrich Nietzsche

Now you know my thoughts. Feel free to share yours.

Peace y'all!

Bonnie