Coordinating a Wedding

This is one of my favorite Friends moments (among many), and one that I think proves that if life were like Friends, I would truly live the character of Monica.

This is a truly wonderful day! It is my very bestest friend's one year wedding anniversary! This time last year, I had made an emergency run to get corsage pins and bagels to ensure the bride ate (!!), and done the final ribbon wrapping on the bouquets. I'd taken favors, decoration flowers, and final items to the reception facility and coordinated with the facility manager there regarding last minute changes. I'd transported the programs, decoration flowers, bouquets/bouts/corsages, and the bridesmaids gifts to the church. Gotten Jay to risk his neck to climb up and get the protective plastic off the bride's wedding dress and fluffed it out so that it would be picturesque when she and her party walked in. I laid out all of her accessories, and gifts for her party, so that the photographer could get beautiful/artist photos of them when he got there without effort. I'd rearranged the entire front entryway of the church to make a place for the guestbook and program presentation. I'd also called the groom multiple times to no avail when he wasn't where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be there. And then when he finally showed up stating that he had packed his cell in his honeymoon bag, I gave him and his groomsmen a stern talking to!

Due to the wonderful world of the military there was no time for a rehearsal the night before, so I did a quick rehearsal with the boys (when they finally got there) ;-) and then the girls once they were dressed. I ran all over the church guarding doors and hallways to ensure that the bride and groom would not see each other. I made sure that my wonderful husband was all set up with the music and processional order he needed to oversee the sound. And did everything I could to make sure that the bride was not informed of any snafus, or at least not until they were resolved.

I coordinated the processional so that all the bride had to do was enjoy her moment, and then had the breathtaking honor of opening the doors as my best friends was revealed to her husband-to-be for the first time! I simply cannot tell you what that moment was like!

I then employed another helper and my husband to jet immediately over to the reception site to make sure that everything was up and running and ensure that the music would be playing when the guests arrived.

Once I'd directed the wedding party and family into the sanctuary for pictures and the guests to the reception, I put the church entryway back together. (I hope I did it right. It was kind of like that game of what's missing. I always suck at that game!) I employed a family member to take a final sweep through the brides dressing room to insure that nothing got left once they were done with pictures, then I loaded up the car with all the the decorations and left overs and headed to the reception site.

Driving over there, I realized that I had obviously missed a step in the directions from the church to the reception site that were printed in the programs and crossed my fingers in hopes that all the guests found their way.

Once I got there, I made a sweep of the set up to make sure it was exactly the way the bride had requested, and touched base with the facility coordinator. I greeted guests as if I knew them and welcomed them. And started watching for the family to arrive, signally that the photos were wrapping up and the bride and groom would soon be there. Not long afterward I got a phone call informing me that the bride was just a few minutes out. I got the photographer and rounded up the bridal party outside the facility so they could be introduced. I gathered all the guests and we cheered as I introduced the bridal party and the bride and groom, only butchering the name of one groomsman, oops.

After all the dancing had been done, and the fun had been had, I herded everyone outside for the bride and grooms exit. And watched with tears in my eyes as my best friend drove off into her new life! It was truly bitter sweet. She loves him, of that I am certain, just as he her. But being a part of the military life, I knew her life as an army wife was going to be hard. She would have just a few weeks with him before he deployed for 15 months. When that was over, who knows. But for those few hours, there were no deployments, no trainings that would take him away from her, no extended time without communication, and no nights spent alone. There was only the two of them, and the love that they shared, and the life they had in front of them.

Once they were gone, it was time to gather up all of our stuff before the facility cleaned it up and threw it away. Arrange for how everything was going to get back to the bride's family's house and in whose car. After packing the last box, making one last run through the facility, and dropping everything back off at the house, it was finally time to take a breath.

I took stock of the day both the good and the bad. I had done pretty well for my first try. To be honest it was one of the scariest things I've ever done, but that was because the bride is so important to me, and making this special for her was my most important priority. I realized that for a wedding coordinator, having a cell phone or walky-talky's is a necessity. I'd probably made 50 phone calls that day to coordinate the whole thing. Everything from calling the absent groom, to calling the father of the bride to ask him to grab one more forgotten thing out of the car before he came all the way back into the facility. I realized that no matter how comfy your high heal shoes are, they will never be comfy enough to coordinate a wedding in! I also realized that pockets are one of the world's most amazing inventions and how I'd have given my eye teeth to have had some! I also realized that the "Bridal Emergency Kits" that theknot.com tells you to put together is not just a gimic to get you to buy more crap. I think we used the scissors I'd included in our homemade one a thousand times and believe it or not, the needle and thread was used more than once. I was so thankful that almost every time a "Do we have a...." question was asked, I could answer, "It's in the emergency kit!"

So, a year later, and almost a year from my own wedding, I can still say that weddings are my passion. I love every single detail of them: the color schemes, the invitations, the dresses, the decorations, the organization of the whole thing. The amazing thrill of seeing a vision that has been obsessed over finally birthed into existence.

But even more than that, I love what it stands for: The love, the commitment, the caring, the hope, the relationship... for better or for worse.

So, one year later, on her anniversary, my best friend sits at her apartment alone, 9 months into her husband's 15 month deployment to Iraq. She loves him even more today than she did that day, in spite of the distance, the loneliness, the frustration, the washing machine breaking, the car battery dying, and all the other things he wasn't there to help her with.

Because weddings are about more than flowers and dresses and food. They are about marriages... the beginnings of a new life together.

And that is why I love weddings so much.

One Year Ago...

All images by Brian Salmon Photography

Happy Anniversary, babe!

My Spiritual Journey

I am an agnostic. What does that mean?

Basically if you ask 5 agnostics what they believe, you'll get 5 completely different answers. But at the core of their belief will be the simple statement... "I really don't know." In it's simplest terms an agnostic is someone who readily admits that they don't know if there is a God or a sentient being or anything out there and some even go as far as to say that no one can really ever know for sure.

My personal spiritual journey has been a long, windy and difficult one. I was born into a very religious household. My family was spirit-filled, pentecostal, non-denominational, but we also spent time in Baptist, spirit-filled Lutheran, and "seeker-targeted" churches. I could speak in "tongues" about as early as i could speak in english. All though I was homeschooled for educational reasons, most of my friends were extremely religious. My father was very traditional in his "values" and extremely dominate and controlling as well as very anti-feminist. This boded well with the "head of the household" teachings of our church and he used it to his advantage. During highschool I was involved with christian dance groups that hung over my head a suffocating sense of humility and an overwhelming sense of guilt in any pleasure we took in performing or "drawing attention to ourselves" instead of to god. When I graduated from highschool I spent a collective year and a half dancing with a christian conservatory run by an artistic director who held to a very strange, very controlling flavor of christianity. She believed and readily taught that anyone not dancing with her group or who left the "ministry" was out side the will of God. The second time I left that ministry it was under great duress since my dad forced me to come home. (I was about 20 at this point).

This was around the time that I finally moved out on my own and really marked the beginning of a slow and difficult walk away from everything I'd ever been taught. The more I thought it all through the less it rang true to my spirit. After a few years of struggling I ran across Sue Monk Kidd's book "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter". Reading about her difficult journey away from a world she had been so engrossed in really freed me to see that I was hanging on for all the wrong reasons, mostly fear of judgment or of the fire and brimstone hell I'd heard so many sermons on. I finally gave myself permission to let go and, for me, it was a wonderful and freeing transition.

At this moment I would have to say that ultimately I really don't know what's out there and I'm ok with that. I love the "intrinsically good" view of people from the Buddhist religion, the female empowerment of the ancient goddess cultures, the earth based religion's view that every living thing has inherent worth just because it does, and the permaculture (a philosophy for creating and sustaining communities and communes) teachings that if we are quiet and let the earth lead, we can create healthy communities. I don't consider myself to be a Wiccan because I find it disrespectful to those who have actually studied the craft, plus I don't really identify with the magical aspects of the spells. I love to participate in full/new moon rituals. Although, I do not in any way pray to the moon. I find that celebrating the stages the moon goes though reminds me that I go through stages as well. Sometimes I need to rest and sometimes I need to grow and being able to give myself permission to honor those stages is helpful to me. I love the ancient Celtic holidays of the solstices and the equinoxes and the crossquarter days. It reminds me that, for instance, just as we celebrate the life of those who have passed on during the Saimhan (Halloween) holiday, we need to take time to examine our lives and realize what we need to let die. At the Spring Equinox we celebrate the balance of the masculine and the feminine in our lives as well as in all life and I take time to celebrate the balance I've achieved and review my efforts to bring other parts of my life into balance.

I find my path to be very empowering for me. But the key phrase there if "for me". I don't like the word "tolerance" because it still implies a judgment on my part of your beliefs. As in I am tolerating what I consider to be a bad, incorrect or misguided decision on the part of another. That's not how I feel. I try (don't always succeed) to celebrate with others in whatever form of spirituality/religion that they find helpful in their life. Why would I ever want to take something away from someone that they felt was helpful for them in their journey? (this is opposed to my ex-husband who was a evangelical atheist. He didn't believe in a god and nether should you!) Jeremy is a Christian and we've talked about this extensively. He will take our children to church, which i will wholly support although I will stay home. When they get old enough they can choose. He'll never speak ill of my beliefs and I'll never speak ill of his. And even beyond that I want to encourage him in his path and help him grow in it as I know he wants to do for me.

So that's me. It's been a long journey and I by no means see this as the end. I am just so thankful to be with a man who will encourage me to learn more and more about myself and become who i truly am.

thanks y'all!

bonnie

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...

Well, Christmas is over and we did not get any snow, until... this week! Being at Aimie's all weekend, I hadn't been listening to the news and didn't know they were calling for snow until I was on the road home Monday night.

Being from Charlotte, I know that snow rairly comes when they call for it. I'm a firm believer that the grocery stores and the weather folks are in cahoots. When the grocery stores' profits begin to drop, they call the weather folks who then call for snow, requiring everyone to go out and buy every loaf of bread and every jug of milk off the shelves.

Note: what the heck are you going to do with bread without something like lunch meat or peanut butter (well, not peanut butter right not because of the salominela), and what are you going to do with milk without something like cearal! But that's just a mystery I've always wondered about.

Anyway, Tuesday morning when I got up we were blanketed in 2 inches. That's more snow then I've seen in Charlotte in YEARS! It was so beautiful and I enjoyed it all the way to work. Yes, having lived in Asheville for 2 years where they do not shut down the town has taught me to deal with the snow and ice. So, I waited about an hour past my usual leaving time and then ventured out to work. The main roads were great, but getting to the main road was alittle treacherous. I was slipping and sliding trying to get out of my apartment complex. I finally had to just step on the gas and head towards what looked like a more chuncky spot of ice. Thankfully, I got some traction before I slid all the way back down the hill and into the car that had pulled up behind me... dumb a$$. You can see me sliding! Hello!

Anyway, I didn't get any pictures before I left for work. By the time I got home a lot of it had melted but I did get a few pictures. Hope you enjoy. Especially all my Cali friends who are enjoying 75-80 degree weather!

Dress Shopping with Aimie and her Enterage

So, this weekend was the big McCarley Wedding Planning Weekend! It had been planned for months and I'd been looking forward to it ever since it was scheduled.

I drove up late Friday night, and Saturday we started by going dress shopping. Wesley, if you happen to be reading this... STOP RIGHT NOW!!!

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I have to admit, David's Bridal is one of my favorite places in the world!



Like a good bride, Aimie had her book with her!



Peekaboo Aimie! Are you overwhelmed by everything yet???



Aimie's daughter and Jr. Bridesmaid, Allie, trying to stay entertained while we all oohed and gooed over the dresses.



Stephanie, bridesmaid, and Harli, Jr. Bridesmaid, helped Aimie start picking out dresses to try on.



Then we picked out bridesmaid dresses and set up camp by the only dressing room they would open for us.







Steph was the first in the dressing room.


I know she looks like she's being tortured, but she's just not really a dress kind of girl. I think simply wearing a dress is her wedding gift to Aimie!

Then it was Harli's turn.






But this isn't the dress she ended up picking out.

Then Harli's mom, the Maid of Honor, Kathi was up. The dress she picked out was so beautiful and classic!



But with Aimie, there can't be too much seriousness at one time!





The it was the bride's turn!




I picked this one out for her to try on. But...




I think that is a, "No."



Here's another one that gives us the opportunity to pull in some color.



And the back.



She is going to be a beautiful bride!



Note to self: It's significantly easier to put the crinoline on BEFORE putting on the dress!



This one was considered as a contender.









Here is Steph practicing here bridesmaids duty of bustling the dress.



Or does she just have her hand up Aimie's dress?



The poor little ones were worn out!

So, after 5 hours we put one dress on a 24 hour hold and headed home. The main issue i have with David's Bridal is that all the consultants work on commission and therefore, they specialize in the hard sale. Personally, there is nothing that irritates me more than a hard sale salesperson. Not to mention, the dress she put on hold was beautiful, but I hadn't seen her face light up like I expected it to when she found the "one". I know that not every bride has that moment where they put the dress on and everything hits them and they cry and everyone else cries and you know that is the dress. But knowing Aimie like I do, I seriously suspected that she would have one of those moments, so I really worried about her paying $50 over her upper budget limit on a dress that was "the best so far".

But as soon as we got to Aimie's house we realized...



Yup, those are the clippys that we scrounged through the drawers at David's Bridal in order to pin up the bustle, and then accidentally took home. :-) Opps!


On the way home, Kathi mentioned that here wedding dress was still hanging in her wedding dress. She insisted that Aimie at least try it on, since it would save her a lot of money, if Aimie liked it.

So, Sunday, Kathi brought it over and after saying that she would try it on later, Aimie decided that she couldn't wait any longer! The moment she tried it on, I knew it was the "one". She got this beautiful glow about her, she welled up, and started to cry. I hurried to get my camera as she called Kathi to come back over.

So, without further ado... (WESLEY, I'M SERIOUS. DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER)

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And the back. It will obviously need alterations.



And finally, my favorite picture! I can't wait till the wedding!



We got a lot of other things done during the weekend which I'll probably blog about as well. But getting the dress figured out was certainly the biggest thing and really took a load off her shoulders. I was so privileged to be a part of the journey!